I had scheduled to meet with one of my patients this morning and she didn't show up. I called her, and she replied that she had meant to call me earlier that morning. Her grandson had been shot last friday and she was on her way to his funeral. I sat in my office, not believing what i was hearing on the other end of the line.
After work, I went to a workout class. It's routine for everyone to pray together afterwards. As we gathered around in a circle, one lady spoke up and requested prayer. She told our group that her niece's father was killed that morning. As I prayed out loud, my words fell short and I found my voice breaking and tears falling from my eyes.
We mourn over deaths that should not have occurred.
I mourn over the frequency of deaths that occur and the injustice of life that is robbed.
When will we begin to realize that every person is created in the image of God? That every single individual has been created to be loved and to encounter a living God and His unfathomable love?
I mourn.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Saturday, August 22, 2015
An Ode to the Lost
The streets are not the same
without the laughter emanating from
your eyes.
A burst of energy
dissipated into vapor-like forms.
Echoes resound, as we try to grasp
unto the inconceivable - life that is no more.
Who will breath the breaths that you have inhaled and exhaled?
Who will cry your salty tears?
Who will love, and tumble through joys and losses
like you, my friend?
You have been mercilessly traded for
the silence that is the aftermath of a regrettable act,
and these gunshots have become embedded into my flesh
as I mourn.
http://homicides.suntimes.com/2015/08/18/16-year-old-caprice-mccollum-dies-after-shooting-in-lawndale-that-also-killed-jerome-phelps/
* I personally did not know these boys, but am told that one of them lived on the same street where I am currently living. The shooting happened this past Sunday a couple of streets away.
without the laughter emanating from
your eyes.
A burst of energy
dissipated into vapor-like forms.
Echoes resound, as we try to grasp
unto the inconceivable - life that is no more.
Who will breath the breaths that you have inhaled and exhaled?
Who will cry your salty tears?
Who will love, and tumble through joys and losses
like you, my friend?
You have been mercilessly traded for
the silence that is the aftermath of a regrettable act,
and these gunshots have become embedded into my flesh
as I mourn.
http://homicides.suntimes.com/2015/08/18/16-year-old-caprice-mccollum-dies-after-shooting-in-lawndale-that-also-killed-jerome-phelps/
* I personally did not know these boys, but am told that one of them lived on the same street where I am currently living. The shooting happened this past Sunday a couple of streets away.
Monday, August 17, 2015
February 1, 1990.
Today, I met a remarkable man.
We sat in the room, and he began opening up and started sharing his story with me. When he was younger, he shot another man and ended up killing him. My patient spent 39 years in a cell; at the time, he was a practicing Muslim. As he continued telling me his story, my eyes locked unto his and he shared with me these words:
"Grace, one of the volunteers at the prison urged me to read the Holy Bible. I said to her, 'You've come all the way out here in the cold; sure, I'll read your literature.' One day, I was reading through Matthew and I encountered Jesus in my prison cell. All other sounds died down and I heard Jesus speak to me. That encounter was unlike anything I've ever experienced and since then, things have never been the same. The day was February 1, 1990."
Even though 39 years were spent in what was literally a cage, this man gained everything. He gained Jesus and a profound and intimate relationship with His Savior.
Life that is fleeting and life that is full. 39 years is nothing compared to what this man now has.
Indeed, he is blessed. Indeed, I am honored and humbled to have crossed paths with him and to have heard his testimony. It is the power of the Gospel to save lives. It is the power of the blood of Christ to save and to liberate.
We sat in the room, and he began opening up and started sharing his story with me. When he was younger, he shot another man and ended up killing him. My patient spent 39 years in a cell; at the time, he was a practicing Muslim. As he continued telling me his story, my eyes locked unto his and he shared with me these words:
"Grace, one of the volunteers at the prison urged me to read the Holy Bible. I said to her, 'You've come all the way out here in the cold; sure, I'll read your literature.' One day, I was reading through Matthew and I encountered Jesus in my prison cell. All other sounds died down and I heard Jesus speak to me. That encounter was unlike anything I've ever experienced and since then, things have never been the same. The day was February 1, 1990."
Even though 39 years were spent in what was literally a cage, this man gained everything. He gained Jesus and a profound and intimate relationship with His Savior.
Life that is fleeting and life that is full. 39 years is nothing compared to what this man now has.
Indeed, he is blessed. Indeed, I am honored and humbled to have crossed paths with him and to have heard his testimony. It is the power of the Gospel to save lives. It is the power of the blood of Christ to save and to liberate.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Thankful List & Quick Update.
-Homan community
-Anna Castaneda
-Summer nights dancing at Grant Park with beautiful friends
I was in the Loop, at a Whole Foods and as I made my way through the rows of bougie cheeses and past the olive cart, I realized I wanted to get out of that store. Why is it that the people who shop at Whole Foods carry themselves differently? There is an air of entitlement that I find disconcerting. Perhaps it is because I myself have also have been born into privilege and can even walk into a store like Whole Foods and grab whatever I want.As I rode my bike back home, my heart grew more and more heavy - it's hard to wrap my mind around the different lives people live and the stark contrast between the residents of Chicago. Earlier that day, I was meeting with a patient trying to look up different substance abuse treatment centers in the city and with another patient who was 18 years old and had nowhere to sleep for the night. And then, that same evening I was walking through Whole Foods feeling slightly uncomfortable and out of place. And yet, I cannot shake the thought that my patients and the customers at Whole Foods are not all that different - everyone is in need of something that cuts through to the heart of things. Everyone is in need of divine love; indeed, that Love is not interchangeable. My heart hurts for my patients and for the Whole Foods customers who have found comfort in anything less than God's love.
-Anna Castaneda
-Summer nights dancing at Grant Park with beautiful friends
I was in the Loop, at a Whole Foods and as I made my way through the rows of bougie cheeses and past the olive cart, I realized I wanted to get out of that store. Why is it that the people who shop at Whole Foods carry themselves differently? There is an air of entitlement that I find disconcerting. Perhaps it is because I myself have also have been born into privilege and can even walk into a store like Whole Foods and grab whatever I want.As I rode my bike back home, my heart grew more and more heavy - it's hard to wrap my mind around the different lives people live and the stark contrast between the residents of Chicago. Earlier that day, I was meeting with a patient trying to look up different substance abuse treatment centers in the city and with another patient who was 18 years old and had nowhere to sleep for the night. And then, that same evening I was walking through Whole Foods feeling slightly uncomfortable and out of place. And yet, I cannot shake the thought that my patients and the customers at Whole Foods are not all that different - everyone is in need of something that cuts through to the heart of things. Everyone is in need of divine love; indeed, that Love is not interchangeable. My heart hurts for my patients and for the Whole Foods customers who have found comfort in anything less than God's love.
Monday, August 10, 2015
Friday, August 7, 2015
Friday Poem
Knowledge of myself
bleeds into time and space
and these time-lapses spark with
preordained caresses and the
sinusoidal overtures of
rotating axles.
preordained caresses and the
sinusoidal overtures of
rotating axles.
It is with resounding periods and
definite, infinite reassurances
that I commune with you
and begin to learn a little more
about boundlessness
as i hurtle across time and
space.
Sunday, August 2, 2015
Swallowed by a Staff
-Notes taken from Pastor Rich's sermon // Exodus 7:1-24 -
We are Pharaoh's in our own ways - both Christians and non-Christians; we sit on a throne of achievements and accolades and find failure unnatural and unnerving.
Holy Spirit, open my eyes.
I am my own God (I am like Pharaoh). And to use the words of Henri Nouwen, "to whom do I belong? To the world or to God?" There are endless 'ifs' attached to the love that the world has to offer - the world's love is conditional. We strive to control so many factors to gain the love of the world.
Holy Spirit, forgive me.
The fact that God tells Moses and Aaron right off the bat that they will initially fail in their mission to sway Pharaoh is a nod to God's sovereignty and his grace; indeed, failure is the antidote that knocks me off my ledge or pride and self-worship.
Yet, failure is not the end result; in the meantime, however, it keeps us humble.
The sorcerers also throw down their staffs, which in turn also transform into serpents. In this way, Pharaoh mimics God and makes a point of demonstrating that he is in control. The worldly powers at work during biblical times are still at work today - we are all at fault for wanting to be our own God and be in control.
Can you imagine the heart-dropping moment when Moses and Aaron's staff changes into a serpent and the staffs belonging to the sorcerers also change into serpents? And yet, scripture points out that Moses and Aaron's staff swallows the staffs belonging to the sorcerers. The staff belonging to Moses and Aaron symbolizes God's power and dominion and is a tangible reminder of God's grace.
I wish I took better notes during Pastor Rich's sermon today - it was incredibly convicting and powerful. I walked up to him to introduce myself for the first time and started crying in front of him and told him that I am a failure in my relationships with people and that I cannot be God in and over my relationships. Don't I make the best first impressions?
It's true. I feel confused, I feel unsure, I feel sad that I am bounded by my capacity to receive and give love. I am a failure. And for the first time, I do not feel ashamed because failure allows me to throw down my staff and relinquish control.
And the Lord said to Moses, "See, I have made you like God to Pharaoh, and your brother Aaron shall be your prophet. You shall speak all that I command you, and your brother Aaron shall tell Pharaoh to let the people of Israel go out of his land. But I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and though I multiply my signs and wonders in the land of Egypt, Pharaoh will not listen to you . . .God says Moses and Aaron will fail in their mission, that Pharaoh's heart will be hard. In the midst of failure, God is still in the process - Moses and Aaron's obedience will pay off.
We are Pharaoh's in our own ways - both Christians and non-Christians; we sit on a throne of achievements and accolades and find failure unnatural and unnerving.
Holy Spirit, open my eyes.
I am my own God (I am like Pharaoh). And to use the words of Henri Nouwen, "to whom do I belong? To the world or to God?" There are endless 'ifs' attached to the love that the world has to offer - the world's love is conditional. We strive to control so many factors to gain the love of the world.
Holy Spirit, forgive me.
The fact that God tells Moses and Aaron right off the bat that they will initially fail in their mission to sway Pharaoh is a nod to God's sovereignty and his grace; indeed, failure is the antidote that knocks me off my ledge or pride and self-worship.
Yet, failure is not the end result; in the meantime, however, it keeps us humble.
Then the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, "When Pharaoh says to you, 'Prove yourselves by working a miracle,' then you shall say to Aaron, 'Take your staff and cast it down before Pharaoh, that it may become a serpent.'" So Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and did just as the Lord commanded. Aaron cast down his staff before Pharaoh and his servants, and it became a serpent. Then Pharaoh summoned the wise men and the sorceress, and they, the magicians of Egypt, also did the same by their secret arts. For each man cast down his staff, and they became serpents. But Aaron's staff swallowed up their staffs.Moses and Aaron throw down their staff (representative of worldly authority) and that staff turns into a serpent - the hebrew word that is used here is tannin, which is also used in Genesis in the creation account. The God of the cosmos reminds Pharaoh that He is God, not Pharaoh.
The sorcerers also throw down their staffs, which in turn also transform into serpents. In this way, Pharaoh mimics God and makes a point of demonstrating that he is in control. The worldly powers at work during biblical times are still at work today - we are all at fault for wanting to be our own God and be in control.
Can you imagine the heart-dropping moment when Moses and Aaron's staff changes into a serpent and the staffs belonging to the sorcerers also change into serpents? And yet, scripture points out that Moses and Aaron's staff swallows the staffs belonging to the sorcerers. The staff belonging to Moses and Aaron symbolizes God's power and dominion and is a tangible reminder of God's grace.
I wish I took better notes during Pastor Rich's sermon today - it was incredibly convicting and powerful. I walked up to him to introduce myself for the first time and started crying in front of him and told him that I am a failure in my relationships with people and that I cannot be God in and over my relationships. Don't I make the best first impressions?
It's true. I feel confused, I feel unsure, I feel sad that I am bounded by my capacity to receive and give love. I am a failure. And for the first time, I do not feel ashamed because failure allows me to throw down my staff and relinquish control.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
