The Lord [is] our God
The Lord [is] one
Love the Lord your God
with all your heart
and with all your soul
and with all your strength .
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Come, Jesus
We stood in the patient waiting area this morning for the usual time of prayer. One of the patients started to cry and confessed that after her office visit, she was going to a treatment center to receive help for alcohol abuse. Tears streamed down her face as she told us that she was scared. A few minutes later, a middle-aged man spoke up and started to cry as well. He told the group that he wanted to stop using heroin.
In moments of great need and vulnerability, I am forced to acknowledge the unparalleled and unfathomable power of the Gospel. I see the weakness of humanity in myself when I cannot break the chains that hold my neighbor captive. I see my weakness when I cannot break my own chains and free myself from my own demons. Weakness: it is not something that I welcome with open arms. And yet… His strength is most evident in weakness. And yet, these days I have seen God act and move. I have experienced Him heal and comfort. I have seen His strength juxtaposed vividly against my own weakness. Indeed, it is a thing to behold.
In moments of great need and vulnerability, I am forced to acknowledge the unparalleled and unfathomable power of the Gospel. I see the weakness of humanity in myself when I cannot break the chains that hold my neighbor captive. I see my weakness when I cannot break my own chains and free myself from my own demons. Weakness: it is not something that I welcome with open arms. And yet… His strength is most evident in weakness. And yet, these days I have seen God act and move. I have experienced Him heal and comfort. I have seen His strength juxtaposed vividly against my own weakness. Indeed, it is a thing to behold.
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Times prior to this season I doubted the efficacy of scripture. Desperately, desperately I have turned again and again to the Word of God these past few months and I now begin to see the power of scripture to cast away my darkness. Vanessa and I continue to increase the frequency of our prayer times at work - yesterday, we both sat inside one of the exam rooms and tears fell down my face as I cried out for healing: healing for myself, healing for her grandmother (who is starting dialysis treatment), healing for our patients.
I do not understand the depression that weighs down on me at times. I do not care for the anxiety that overwhelms me and takes me deep under the waters. I do, however, see that my strength this season is sustained only by scripture and by prayer. I need the Lord: every single day, every single morning, every single moment.
Monday, February 15, 2016
These Words
"Grace, I can't expect you to help me when I don't make efforts to help myself. I want to start taking steps to change my eating habits and I'm going to start going to the water aerobics classes offered here at Homan Square. I woke up one day and it hit me: God has given me another day and it's up to me to start taking care of myself, you know?"
She was crying throughout our entire time together and tears were streaming down her face; indeed, both of us knew that her words reflected a deeper understanding of her worth and dignity as a person created by God and created in His image. She expressed a deep desire to take care of herself because her body and her limbs functioned yet another day and were gifts given to her by a great Creator. Empowered with the realization that the journey towards health is and should be a lifestyle of worship, my patient wept tears of joy and I too found her triumphs to be my own.
--
Patient #2:
As I looked over her medical chart, I noticed that she was only a year older than me. When I met with her in the room with resources for low-income housing and shelter she opened up and shared with me her heartaches. She and her son were getting evicted from their apartment in a week. She lived with her sister and her grandmother and her aunt but her aunt had recently up and left, leaving my patient to take care of her grandmother and her own kid. My patient's mother was recently released from jail in December and was still very much m.i.a. in my patient's life. As I listened to her story, anger boiled up from inside of me - the responsibilities that belonged to the adults were unfairly placed on my patient's shoulders. The so-called "grown-ups" essentially deserted my patient, leaving her to fend for herself, her kid, and her grandmother. My heart broke as she told me that her mom did not return home after being released from jail because she did not want to take care of her grandmother.
Towards the end of our time together, I handed her the resources and went over an emergency plan of action. I asked her if I could hug her and as I wordlessly held her, I felt the wetness of her tears on my shoulder. We remained in this position for quite a while and my heart broke.
--
I feel like God has been showing me healing in suffering - especially as I sit with patients in the exam room. I realize that my own healing is interconnected with the wellbeing of others and that as I try to be present in moments of extreme pain with my patients, I am able to experience God's extravagant love. I've started to ask myself each morning whether I'm going to live for myself or live for God - when I choose the latter each day, I find that something so abstract becomes a consistent question throughout the day that allows me to intentionally turn to God. I also had a profound realization as I sat with one of my patients. She started crying in the room and as I reached over and silently held onto her, I myself realized that I really really love my patients and that God is allowing me to see glimpses of how much He loves them - these are moments when I am able to sense the nearness of the Kingdom of God - when suffering is shared and the brokenness of our experiences are surrendered to God.
She was crying throughout our entire time together and tears were streaming down her face; indeed, both of us knew that her words reflected a deeper understanding of her worth and dignity as a person created by God and created in His image. She expressed a deep desire to take care of herself because her body and her limbs functioned yet another day and were gifts given to her by a great Creator. Empowered with the realization that the journey towards health is and should be a lifestyle of worship, my patient wept tears of joy and I too found her triumphs to be my own.
--
Patient #2:
As I looked over her medical chart, I noticed that she was only a year older than me. When I met with her in the room with resources for low-income housing and shelter she opened up and shared with me her heartaches. She and her son were getting evicted from their apartment in a week. She lived with her sister and her grandmother and her aunt but her aunt had recently up and left, leaving my patient to take care of her grandmother and her own kid. My patient's mother was recently released from jail in December and was still very much m.i.a. in my patient's life. As I listened to her story, anger boiled up from inside of me - the responsibilities that belonged to the adults were unfairly placed on my patient's shoulders. The so-called "grown-ups" essentially deserted my patient, leaving her to fend for herself, her kid, and her grandmother. My heart broke as she told me that her mom did not return home after being released from jail because she did not want to take care of her grandmother.
Towards the end of our time together, I handed her the resources and went over an emergency plan of action. I asked her if I could hug her and as I wordlessly held her, I felt the wetness of her tears on my shoulder. We remained in this position for quite a while and my heart broke.
--
I feel like God has been showing me healing in suffering - especially as I sit with patients in the exam room. I realize that my own healing is interconnected with the wellbeing of others and that as I try to be present in moments of extreme pain with my patients, I am able to experience God's extravagant love. I've started to ask myself each morning whether I'm going to live for myself or live for God - when I choose the latter each day, I find that something so abstract becomes a consistent question throughout the day that allows me to intentionally turn to God. I also had a profound realization as I sat with one of my patients. She started crying in the room and as I reached over and silently held onto her, I myself realized that I really really love my patients and that God is allowing me to see glimpses of how much He loves them - these are moments when I am able to sense the nearness of the Kingdom of God - when suffering is shared and the brokenness of our experiences are surrendered to God.
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