7/8/16 Thankful List

-Providers at Homan (Dr. Lin, Patty)
-Friends at Homan
-Stuffed peppers that Anna made
-Tears that let the sadness flow out
-Beautiful housemates (Amy: "From one sad person to another, you're not alone. You don't have to do anything or try to make up for the season you're in.")
-Unshakeable joy in the Lord

I do not want this season of fire and testing to blind me of God's goodness or cause me to diminish a great, wonderful, and magnificent God. Here is my present to you, Lord - I give this season to you.

Unseen Things

Earlier this morning, I sat on my bed and read the chapter in Hebrews that lists one name after another of people who trusted and put their faith in the Lord: Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, the people of Israel, Rahab, Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah (who the heck is Jephthah?), David, Samuel, the prophets… These names crossed my mind as I biked to work this morning. Fast forward a few hours and I found myself at my desk unable to stop crying as I came to the realization that I am in a dark place - a place where even folding laundry seems to require too much energy and relationships seem to be too much of an effort. A place where I feel like I am unraveling, and where I am unable to function and do normal activities of daily living. A place that has caused me to turn into a dysfunctional fire hydrant, tears flowing without restraint. My coworkers looked at me with concern, and I felt a hand gently land on my shoulders. Dr. Lin asked me what was the matter, and I managed to say through my cries, "Dr. Lin, I don't know how to function anymore." This place. This is where I am right now, a place where I feel so broken and where I feel like I have lost myself and where all I desire is for lightheartedness and complete satisfaction and joy in the Lord.