Lord, it's true - the more I get to know you
the more I need
the more I want
diminish this need for self-satisfaction
and increase hunger for you

These days, the prayer that has been on the tip of my tongue has been "open the eyes of my heart".
I cannot wake myself up to see the majesty of God, I cannot shake this slumbering heart to desire and live in anticipation of the kingdom of God. I cannot will myself to love God above myself.

I can, however, ask God to give me more of the Holy Spirit.
His presence moves doubt, breaks strongholds, redeems the past, reminds me of his moment-by-moment grace, calls me to greater levels of intimacy.

I feel it to the core of my being - the cry of my spirit and being is to worship God and to live this life in deep communion with him.

The Spirit Moves

Day 37 of the 40 day challenge. I woke up early this morning and as I was praying, felt so thankful. Thankful that as a daughter of the King, I can enter into the throne room boldly, confidently, and in anticipation of the Lord's presence. When I started the 40-Day Prayer Challenge, the Lord spoke to me and said that I would come out of this prayer challenge a changed person. And yes, these past 37 days have indeed been life-changing - the Lord has been transforming me into someone who is more dependent on the Lord, more hungry for his presence, and more on fire for prayer. All this aside, one of the top prayers on my list was that the Lord would do something new inside of me, that he would start to shift the way I see myself and the way I see Him. That he would break the orphan mentality that I have been carrying for most of my life. A bold prayer, right? God has and is answering this prayer request. Sure, there have been days when the spiritual warfare seems a bit more intense and moments when I backslide, but overall I feel as if I am emerging out of this intense season of prayer with greater awareness of who I am as a child of God.

Today, at church, Pastor Peter delivered a powerful sermon that spoke to the heart of the Gospel. I'm sure it'll get uploaded onto the church's website (*insert reminder to listen to 3/10's sermon again). At the end of the message, I found myself making my way to the front of the room and kneeling before the cross. And before I knew it, I found myself experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit. I cannot adequately describe this singular moment, all I know is that I kept shouting "Jesus, thank you. Thank you, Jesus." Oh, and there were a lot of tears. In that moment, I felt God's love wash over me.

I found myself at the foot of the cross. A sinner. Needy. Broken. Met by Christ. Known. Beloved. Restored.

Thankful List

-The above worship song!
-God's sovereignty - He can make positive situations out of negative ones, big dreams out of little ones, small acts of faith and obedience into fruit that glorifies Him, the impossible into the possible.
-Shari is staying with us this weekend and we had a Better Way party last night.
-Thankful for opportunities to cook and for the joy of cooking - made a galette for last night's party!
-I'm almost done with the 40-Day Prayer Challenge and WOW, I can't believe I only have a few days left. I suggested to Lisa that we should do this again and maybe incorporate corporate fasting (just to amp things up). God does beautiful things individually and collectively and I can only imagine what He is going to do when a group of women come together to pray AND fast. At the end of the day, I am going to continue praying bold prayers, knowing that I can approach the throne boldly and confidently.  The best prayer that I can possibly pray is to ask the Lord for more of the Holy Spirit, for more of his presence.
-The other day, I stopped by to get coffee at Dunkin' Donuts before hopping on the train to go home from school and I was struggling to download the app that would get me a discounted latte. The lady behind the window handed me an almond milk latte and said, "Honey, the latte is on me. Don't miss your train." I was so touched by her act of kindness. Wow, Lord, I pray that you would bless her and her generous heart.
-I also met with my capstone advisor for the first time the other day and the first thing she said as I was walking into her office was, "Grace, the work you have submitted is horrible." She then proceeded to tear apart my proposal and in the beginning I was defensive and didn't understand why she was so antagonistic. As we talked, however, I prayed to the Lord and asked him to soften my heart towards her. Immediately, I felt my heart softening and felt an increase in compassion and patience towards her. Wow, God, wow!!! You hear our small prayers. Anyways, I was able to explain a bit more about why some sort of protocol regarding identifying and responding to human trafficking is needed at Lawndale Christian Health Center, given the population and the newest statistic that Chicago is the 5th largest hub for human trafficking in the United States. We ended on a positive note and I told her I would give her an update once I met with my capstone committee. Anyways, I feel good moving forward and I trust that the Lord is going to use this opportunity to bless North Lawndale and the health center.