Thankful List

-The end of the Daniel Fast coincided with a phone interview with HR at Rush Oak Park Hospital, my sister's in-person interview for the grad program she applied to back in Salt Lake City, and an opportunity to have a heartfelt reconciliatory conversation with one of my housemates. All of these things aren't really coincidental; indeed, I believe that this season of fasting gave me space to engage the Lord's heart and grow closer to him. Aside from enjoying his presence, I also saw him move and orchestrate big things. An opportunity to apply to a nursing position kinda fell into my lap and I was immediately offered a phone interview the next business day. The phone interview went well and I'll be going to ROPH this Thursday for an in-person interview.

Going back to the fast, this was a huge milestone for me because I've always struggled with the spiritual discipline of fasting. And while it wasn't easy, I found that the past 21 days went by relatively quickly because I truly enjoyed spending more time with the Lord. During this timeframe, I found myself focusing less on food and more on the Lord. I learned to enjoy the foods I was able to eat. I savored the moments when I felt like the Lord was saying it was ok to break the fast to celebrate with my church community on different occasions. I pressed into his grace during the moments when I didn't stick to the fast and found myself eating Wheat Thins at Lisa's house. At the end of the day, I know the Lord saw my heart. The overarching theme is that the Lord is gracious and kind and desirous to meet us when we intentionally say no to some things in an effort to create more space for him to meet us.

-Thankful for being able to hang out with my mentor during her long layover. We went to Aba for brunch for restaurant week and we even got to swing by Philz Coffee prior to going out to eat.

-Thankful for pie from Bang Bang Pie and for being able to celebrate Sarah's birthday with her.

-Praying while running is a huge thing for me; I'm thankful that I can move my limbs and connect to the Lord during my runs

Delight

Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
-psalms 37:4-

The desires of my heart. What are the desires of my heart?
To encounter the Lord in the midst of my messiness.
To experience his love, even in the midst of my brokenness.
To walk intimately with him and to be able to respond to his love.

I find this verse to be amusing; indeed, for me, the desires of my heart are tantamount to delighting myself in him. Why then does this verse present itself as an if-then statement? Reprioritization of our desires i.e. the act of desiring him above comfort, stability, materialism, etc., can only result in our hearts being filled and more. He beckons us to encounter him and he promises to satisfy the inner void. Sometimes, we just need to encounter him to realize that he was always the greatest and deepest desire of our hearts.

Draw Near

This is another thankful list; here goes:

-Em's birthday was on Wednesday and I'm thankful that I got to spend some time with her and pray bold prayers while laying on her bed

-Arami birthday dinner

-Friends that encourage me and ask me hard questions aka "Grace, what's the real reason why you aren't looking for nursing jobs?" Well, I've come to realize that the real reason is that I'm pretty scared. I'm scared of responsibility and failure, of the possibility of disappointment and potential that I might not be cut out to be a nurse. I'm scared that I won't enjoy my job and that I'll be dragging my feet to work. But God, you already know all of this. You already know. And even though I don't know what or where to look for a job, I know that you are calling me once again to step out in faith. And I know that I don't need to know everything right now - that I can be completely satisfied in knowing the God who does in fact know all. And so I draw near, and I ask that you would once again guide my steps.

-I've become friends with a few of the regulars that come into Philz and one of them, Alex, complimented me by saying "Grace, you're the heart of Philz." And then another friend, Maria, gave me a tip over the bar last week. I'm thankful for Art, who comes in every day and orders a Philtered Soul extra extra sweet and creamy, and for the brief daily interactions we have. I'm thankful for Kyle, who wants to be Korean language buddies.

So many good gifts, Lord. Thank you.

Thankful List

-North Lawndale Bible Study Fellowship (BSF); for the past four or so months I have been going over to Lisa's house every Monday evening to study the book of Acts and various other books of the Bible with a group of women from all walks of life. We are currently looking at Hebrews and wow, I came back home marveling at who Christ is and how he lived on this earth as fully human and fully God. Like, he knew what temptation looked like and yet, because he was fully divine, didn't submit to temptation. Rather, he lived in complete trust and obedience to God. He instead submitted to God's will and plan for him (which was to die for my sins). He died for me - my relationship with God has been restored and I can live in the fullness of that. LIKE WHAT!?! I've been walking with the Lord for a while now, but wow, I can't help but marvel in response to tonight's study.

-Thankful for moments when I can be still before the Lord and rest

-Thankful for the random banchan I picked up at the Korean mart after church yesterday (I swear, being Korean makes so much sense sometimes, even if I feel like a foreigner whenever I do step inside of a Korean market)

-Thankful for the opportunity to say sorry to a coworker that I snapped at the other day and for her gracious response (I was crabby because well, I was hangry)

-Thankful for a stack of new books that consist of authors such as Wendell Berry, Michelle Obama and Sakaya Murata

Thankful List

-21-day fast with Chicago Tabernacle (specifically doing the Daniel Fast); I'm loving this daily devotional that Chi Tab put out: https://www.chicagotabernacle.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/21-day-fast-Devotional_200420_SJL-1.pdf
-Spending time with the Lord early in the morning
-Leadership dinner at Matt's house
-Leadership retreat at church today
-The transparency and vulnerability that is reflected in my church community
-A community that is missional and passionate about engaging the heart of Jesus
-Obsessed with nice cream aka frozen bananas, cocoa powder, peppermint extract, and macadamia milk - this combo literally tastes like chocolate chip mint ice cream

Lord, thank you for your gifts. Thank you Holy Spirit for moving and for allowing me to see glimpses of how you are moving. Help me to press in and intentionally carve out spaces where I am still before you.

A Note

A friend recently urged me to start praying for my husband, and for some reason or other her words stuck with me. Mostly I pray for your relationship with the Lord, that it would be a dynamic and beautiful reality. That it would convict you, humble you, spark a flame in you. That your outlook on life would be missional and constantly centered on bringing glory to the King. That in moments of failure, all things would fall away but the cross and the covering of grace that is upon you.

I pray that you would be gentle and caring and kind to the people around you. And that you would take me with all of my moods and provide a space where I feel taken care of. Where I feel safe. That you would empathize with me the dark pieces of my past and that you would attempt to understand how I at times project my broken relationship with my father unto other relationships. I pray that you would reflect the faithfulness of Christ in our relationship.

Maybe this is a stretch but I also pray that your family would know and love the Lord. Perhaps the biggest prayer that I carry in my heart is that you would love my mom like you are her own son, without any urging on my part. That you would enjoy her presence as much as I do, and that you would see her as the extraordinary woman that she is. I pray that our marriage would not be hoarded and limited to just us, but that it would naturally embrace both our families, both physical and spiritual.

I pray that this transitional time would be one in which you are being equipped and that you would take great delight in living each day with the Lord. I pray that the inevitable discovery of oneself would be done alongside Christ. 

I don't think these prayers are random; indeed, I get the sense that our paths will soon cross. Until then, shalom, dear one.