12/26 Thankful List

My trip back to SLC ended far quicker than I thought it would; I'm back in Chicago and am thankful that today's travel day was completely hassle-free. The plane departed on time and I got my baggage just as Christina was arriving at Midway. My time home was an interesting mix of sweet and sour; overall, I can't help but be grateful for the time I had with my sis and mom. If anything, my mom and I were really intentional about praying together and I even rolled out of bed to go with her to early morning prayer service. Unexpected deep conversations with my sister left me marveling at God's mysterious nature. Like it is so clear that he is continuing to work in her heart and in her life and I am reminded that God's work and his hand are sometimes not externally evidenced. He goes deep, and I had the honor of seeing glimpses of his hand working even as my sister vulnerably shared with me what she is currently going through. If anything, my trip home made me realize that the bond between us is getting stronger and that the Lord is using both of us to sharpen each other and point one another to him. 

I feel like I am returning to Chicago not quite the same as I left it. When I had dinner with Janet and Julian at Gather a few weeks ago, we asked each other what we desired for the next year. I don't really have any big plans/changes on the horizon (no changes in current housing or employment, no big trips planned, etc.); regardless, I responded by saying that I had high hopes for 2022. This past year was phenomenal because for the first time in my life, I sensed deep transformation within myself. And out of that transformation came a desire to pursue people and love them unconditionally like Christ. For 2022, I want the Lord to continue to fan that flame and provide opportunities for me to love and serve the people around me. I want to live deeply and richly in the Lord's love. I want to be aware of his love and live for his affirmation and not others (thus, why I decided to take a much-needed hiatus from Instagram). 

Anyways, I'm thankful to be back home in Chicago. I'm thankful that I can end this day having FaceTimed my sister and having checked in with Janet and Julian via Messenger. Thankful that this thankful list somehow turned into an actual blog post. 

Let It Go

 I let it go - forgotten desires for a relationship with my dad, unmet expectations, the restlessness I feel at times. I let it go; I lay it down. Lord, meet me at the foot of the cross - I pray that I would not be the same person after each encounter with you. 

Do you ever wake up, with extra love and kindness towards yourself? There are moments when my vision shifts, and God allows me to see myself through his eyes. And there's a lot of love there. There's a lot of grace and mercy and laughter. The Lord loves my heart towards him, and my heart towards others. He loves my humility and openness to being corrected when I'm in the wrong. He loves me in all of my ups and downs, highs and lows, moments when I am burdened and moments when I am carefree. He loves the silly side, the absentminded side, the contemplative/serious side... The empathetic side. The Grace that desires to connect with different people and simply show them the love of God and nudge them closer to His heart. 

I sense the Lord telling me, "Grace, I'm right here. I will continue to satisfy you; have no fear."