Je t'aime

 It's been almost a week since my mom and I parted ways at the CDG airport in Paris and took our separate flights back home to Salt Lake City and Chicago. When I think back on this recent trip and process all that God did, I can't help but marvel at how he orchestrated everything and answered so many little and big prayers. The trip was about me running a marathon and yet, it was also so much more that I can't help but think that the marathon was simply a catalyst that resulted in a bigger, more beautiful opportunity to whisk my mom away to Europe and explore a new city with her. I marvel at how God saw my desire to run an international race and was like "Oh, yeah? Well, I have bigger plans." 

I'm thankful that I intentionally took this time to do a mother-daughter trip; for me, it was important that I do this before getting caught up in life's bigger transitions. Indeed, I wanted to do this trip with my mom as a single woman; plus, it seemed like an opportune time right before my sister gives birth to her first kid and my mom becomes a grandmother. There were so many beautiful moments and lovely interactions with strangers that God gifted us with on this trip - so much so that my mom turned to me at one point and stated she wanted to move to Paris (she'll probably take back these words once her grandson is born haha). 

I never thought much of Paris but this trip just sentimentalized the city for me - with all it's beautiful gardens, it's twinkling Eiffel Tower, many pastry shops and bakeries, and array of art and culture - I look back and thank the Lord that I was able to experience it all with my mother.

 

Reflections on the Eve of Paris

Last Fall, I had a small, silly idea to enter the Tokyo Marathon via the lottery. My luck failed me, and my number wasn't drawn - the idea to run internationally never left, however. In fact, it settled within me, and I found myself searching various races across the globe. One thing led to another, I selected a charity to run for and lo and behold, I was officially signed up for the Paris Marathon. Running has, and always will be, the catalyst to experience God outside the box. God as healer, God as transformer, God as co-runner urging me on and reminding me that to run is to exist in his grace. For the last 16 weeks, I've been pretty knee-deep in my training program, running twice during Tuesdays and also a long run on Saturdays with smaller runs/weight training scattered throughout the week. Just as compelled as I was to sign up for this marathon abroad, I felt an equal weight to prioritize spending time with my mom and to bring her along on this trip. Indeed, the many hours of viewing travel vlogs, getting lost in the sea of Reddit subthreads, messaging family and friends who've been to Paris before, and ordering all things anti-theft online and crafting a 15 day-itinerary on Wanderlog has brought me to this moment on the eve of travel. I'm tired of preparing for this trip, nervous to jump in, and forced into complete surrender of the things that are beyond my control. 

I came back from a trip this past weekend and was in Michigan with a group of friend's celebrating Janet's 30th birthday. There was one moment where Shang turned to me and said, "Grace, if you were standing in front of God and he asked you to let go of one thing, what would it be?" I paused for a moment, and then answered "control". Shang's words came back to me this morning at work because I found myself unable to calm my fear and anxiety about the upcoming trip and then it hit me: maybe this trip is an invitation from God to let go of control. Perhaps this trip is forcing me to face my idol of control and continually surrender and resurrender all the factors and aspects of this trip that are out of of my control. I truly believe that this is God setting the stage and shifting how I approach the next few weeks and time abroad with my mom. I'm not sure what God is going to do but the invitation to let go certainly begets the notion that there'll be an aspect of the Lord taking care of my mom and I even as things don't go as unplanned.

I already see God working in that there'll be some overlap with some New Comm friends - I'll be able to see John Kim who will be coincidentally in Paris the weekend of the marathon and also Sarah and Scott in Lyon later that week. And even more funnily enough, I went back to Faye (I had been deliberating purchasing travel insurance for my mom and I earlier in March) and the quotes for each of us were significantly lower than what I was quoted last month. Enough so that I was able to justify the extra cost and ended up getting travel insurance for my mom and I. 

The first time I trained and ran a marathon, I came out of that season a changed person. Decades old internal strongholds of unworthiness and shame were broken and I experienced God transforming me from the inside out. I don't know what Paris Marathon holds, or this entire trip with my mom, but I have a strong sense that I won't return the same person.