The First of Spring

 This week I have been internally preparing for this weekend. A few months ago, I reached out to the  Monastery of the Holy Cross, inquiring about doing a silent retreat and staying in their guest lodgings and observing and participating in the prayer life practiced by the Benedictine monks here in the city. I got a response and a Friar Edward got back to me saying that the guest house would be closed for the the first few months of the year for renovations. He informed me that the house would reopen in March - at the time, I randomly scanned my calendar and my eye fell on the weekend of March 20th. 

Fast forward and here we are, on the first day of Spring and more than halfway through the Lenten season. I'll be making my way down to the monastery in an hour or so and wanted to jot down a few thoughts before beginning this internal journey of coming back home to the Lord. I don't think it's happenstance that my silent retreat ended up being scheduled for this weekend; indeed, even as I have observed the lives of my friends speeding by I myself have slowed down and remained in stasis. Far from complacency, this season of internally slowing down has compelled me to shut off certain distractions to create greater awareness of God and greater intimacy with him. This weekend will be the cherry on top of a season where I sense God taking me to deeper waters. In fact, what I'm saying yes to this weekend is an opportunity to go on an adventure with the Holy Spirit and to be open to whatever Spirit wants to do within me and whatever Spirit wants to say to me. I desire to return just a fraction altered and more healed than when I entered this weekend. 

As Bonhoeffer puts it, "Only in aloneness do we learn to live rightly in community." Mirroring Richard Foster's reflections in 'Celebration of Discipline', my prayer is that the fruit of this time of solitude is increased sensitivity and compassion for others. And ultimately, a deeper fire for the Lord. 

Thankful List:

-Being unencumbered by social media and being completely off it for Lent 

-Hallow app and reading 'Celebration of Discipline' by Richard Foster and realizing that the invitation to know God deeper is always present - it's just a matter of creating space to know him more deeply 

-Prayer call and the individuals in the group 

-Having Dave and Geri over for dinner 

-Changing seasons - Janet got offered a position at a health equity venture capital firm in New York City and will be moving. Yesterday, unexpectedly, she called me out when she was on stage leading worship and it was such a tender, beautiful moment. Thankful for Janet and the many years we have lived life in Chicago together, in beloved community, through the highs and lows of life. 

-Time up in Mundelein spending time with Sarah and Scott. Julian, Valerie, Tina and I spent the entire afternoon/evening with Sarah and Scott and it was such a lovely time filled with good food and laughter 

Ash Wednesday/Lent/Sankofa + Coming Home to the Great Banquet

The day prior to leaving for Sankofa, I scribbled down the following thoughts:

Today is Ash Wednesday, a day that marks the start of the Lent season. This year, there is a desire within me to step into Lent with intentionality and to lean into the invitation to go deeper in my relationship with the Lord. I'll be fasting from social media and alcohol and will create space each day to encounter the Lord and deepen intimacy. It seems befitting that a group of us will be flying out to Atlanta early tomorrow morning to embark on Sankofa, a four-day interracial prayer journey that will emulate the journey the freedom riders took during the Civil Rights Movement. We will take a step back into time to bear witness, to see, learn and lament what has come to pass and what still exists and continues to be pervasive in the landscape of the United States, namely the demonic stronghold that is White Supremacy. I hope to come back with eyes wide open, with clearer vision, and a deeper understanding of what it means to follow Christ and love him and others. 

Fast forward to today, February 27th, 2026. 

I did, in fact, come back a different person. I can feel it deeply within me, that what I experienced on Sankofa has made an indelible mark on me, and I cannot help but shift my inner orientation and allow space for what I have seen and experienced. What do you do when you meet and hear from individuals who were mentored by Martin Luther King Jr. when they were students and from those who participated in the sit-ins during the Civil Rights Movement? What do you do when you bear witness to the centuries of racial injustice and the ongoing narrative of White Supremacy cloaked in different forms of racial subjugation and terror? I bore witness to the stories of those who were murdered, I stood in front of an array of glass jars containing the ground on which men and women and children were shamefully lynched. My partner and I walked hand-in-hand across the Edmund Pettus Bridge and recalled the civil rights marchers and the violence they experienced on the bridge. I rode on the bus, journeying overnight from Memphis back to Atlanta - what awaited us at the end of the journey was the church, not the KKK intent on brutal harm and destruction. I merely tasted a drop of a drop of the evil that has been experienced by the African American community and my mind failed and continues to fail to comprehend the failure of our nation to recognize and repent of comprehensive evil done to the innocent. And yet, to see and learn of the resilience and strength of the oppressed was humbling to the nth degree. 

Strewn throughout this journey were glimmers of hope as our group embodied the greater Church and stepped into collective experience and created collective memory. Surely, the Church must continue to be countercultural in its engagement with the past and its desire to be better witnesses of Christ. I believe our group of 50 leaned into that intention during this trip. And so I sit here and I continue to ponder what it means to truly love God and love others. What does it mean to bear the burden of and lament alongside the oppressed, especially if we are to be considered the body of Christ? These are the things I sit with, these are the things I allow to seep into my bones and act as catalyst and passion for living justly. 

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Sankofa marked the start of Lent and I continue to sit in my practice of being off social media and refraining from consuming alcohol. This Lent season has been a wildly different experience for me this year and sacred in a way that feels new and revelatory. It's almost like more and more of my attention is zoomed in on beholding the Lord - my vision is sharpened and I feel like he's taking me into deeper waters. I drove home from work last night and as I parked the car, let it idle and started conversing with the Lord. What was initially casual turned into something more. God took it up a notch and I felt the Holy Spirit saying to me, "Grace, I see you and I know your desires. Give me this Lent season, give me this time - this is what I desire of you." And of course, of course, my response was yes. Yes to obedience, yes to the old and yes to the new, yes to intimacy,  yes to an unraveling and descent into deeper waters. 

And so, onwards.

Snippets

 Grace Shim invited Kara along with a few of us to the Evangelical Covenant Church CWR&D (Covenant World Relief & Development) 80th Gala last Sunday. I couldn't stop crying as I watched the CWR&D's documentary that showed glimpses of its various global partnerships/ministries; indeed, something deeply in my spirit was responding and God struck a chord within me that felt all too familiar. As I sat there, the Lord spoke to me and said "Grace, I have something bigger planned for you." Now, this is something that I've always had tucked away deeply within my heart, this pull towards the global Church. It's a chord that God has struck time and time again through past experiences and even living on the Westside of Chicago. The curtain continues to remain drawn - I don't know what God has planned but every now and again, he strikes that chord, and I can't help but have a visceral response that typically makes me cry. So what now? I continue to remain faithful, continue to draw near to the Lord and commune with him in the highs, lows and mundane moments of life, all the while trusting that the curtain will slowly be swept aside, revealing more of his plan for my life. 

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I was driving home from work the other day and the Lord spoke to me and said the following words: "This is the year of wisdom." It's a timely word, because I've been praying for wisdom, discretion, and discernment in the choices I make, in the things I should or shouldn't say, in the way I act and behave towards others. Not to mention that Sarah and I decided this year that we would mainly focus on reading through the Proverbs and Psalms for the year, which is a lot of wisdom spread out across 360 days. More than just a few specific books of the Bible, how amazing it is that Christ is wisdom personified and that to draw near to him is to draw near to wisdom. 

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The deadline to register for the Valencia came and went. And I didn't register even though my ballot was chosen. I took the week following up to the deadline to pray about it but truth be told, felt more compelled to prioritize going to South Korea with my mom in October. These days, I've become more accustomed to asking God what his agenda is and what he wants to do with the time I have. One cool opportunity is that I had a phone interview with someone at the Bloc and was encouraged to submit my application to run for the Bloc as a charity runner for the Bank of America half marathon in June. Excited to partner with this non-profit and bring more awareness to the amazing work they're doing with kids on the Westside. 

I got word that one of my patients passed away by means of MAID today. It sits heavy on my mind, spirit, being this evening. The thing is, death is not new in the work I do; death is inevitable, oftentimes sooner rather than later. Death is a robber, insensitive to person, relationships, time. It comes, and I've seen one too many a person transition from palliative care to hospice and finally, to the great abyss.

I am no healer; I do recognize, however, that the presence, kindness and care that my team and I provide can soften the painful edges of someone's journey. Indeed, when I pan out of this singular incident, I realize that what I am able to offer is sacred. These hands and feet can't turn back time, can't reverse progressive neurological disease, can't push back the tides of sickness. They can, however, hold and comfort a person journeying through life with x,y,z.

These days I continue to ruminate on the circumstances of life, and how I really can't take anything for granted. That nothing is truly mine to grasp, and that everything requires stewardship. There is an invitation to live with humility, and with a reverent posture towards God. And to accept that there are questions that will never be answered on this side of heaven. And so I grapple and wrestle with why things must exist as they do and I trust that even feeble faith will bridge the void. 

2026

 as this year kicks off, i've been ruminating over 2025 and the potential of 2026. i'm not one for resolutions but i do sense this desire to simply be faithful to the lord with whatever doors he opens. just as last year was a year of consistency and stability, I have a feeling that this year will be one of change and expansion. these are just utterances giving structure to what i foresee this year will hold - as to how and what God will fill this year with, well, only time will tell. 

i'm kicking off 2026 with deep gratitude. for healthy limbs, for being able to run almost daily, for ease in the kitchen and getting more and more accustomed to hosting and cooking, for my job and financial stability and cushion, for my friends and family, for this apartment and for wonderful roommates. for a sound mind, for inner peace and a sense of being, for being able to commune with God in the most mundane moments and exist in relationship with Him. 

There's a lot to be thankful for and i can't help but think that all of this is not mine to grasp but to steward well. i could have been born in a different situation, with less means and less capacity, with no awareness of God stumbling through life blindly, etc etc etc the list goes on. But here i am, here i stand. And what will i do with the means, resources, and privilege that I've been blessed with? i feel like this year will be one where different passions converge and where God will show me glimpses of his bigger calling on my life. i'm not sure when, i'm not sure how, but here i am.