the Spirit of the Lord God is one Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and freedom to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of our God's vengeance; to comfort all who mourn, to provide for those who mourn in Zion; to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, festive oil instead of mourning, and splendid clothes instead of despair. And they will be called righteous trees, planted by the Lord, to glorify Him. - Isaiah 61:1-3
I want to sink back into myself. Restoration seems so far away. Why must my doubts once again get in between my relationship with God? I am weary. Thoughts creep into my head, and I'm so tired of the redundancy of it all. Get behind me, Satan. Lord, I want to cry out to You. I want to set my sights on You. You are so so so worthy.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Son of David, have mercy on me
Essay #1 - Share your personal story of faith in Christ and how your experiences have been formative in growing and developing your current relationship with Christ:
"Sitting at the edge of the swimming pool
Thinking that I have failed my test
The water whispering to each other
Saying it would be great if they could breath
And as I stand up I could see millions of broken glass
And as I see this, there is no swimming pool I see
That it is an ocean of darkness and sadness
Mermaids trying to pull me into the water
Birds getting their dinner and as I sit down on the rock,
The ocean turned back to the swimming pool
Just as I opened my eyes"
When I was a year old, my dad walked out on my mom, my sister and me. For six years he was absent, and the only emotions that were remotely close to despair were those felt when my mom dropped me off at the daycare. I would desperately cling unto her, and my cries mingled with her tears. I hardly understood why I spent so much time at my grandparent's house or why my mom worked nighttime shifts - I was naive in both my childish heartache and effervescence. When I was seven, my father appeared without warning and captivated me with colorful toys and stuffed animals. A year later, he called with news that he had remarried. And of this, all I remember in my bewildered state is witnessing my sister's sobs and frantic rage as she pulled my books from the shelves and threw them down onto the ground. Year after year, I visited my dad with thoughts that if I could possibly forgive him, perhaps my sister could also. However, I became burdened with trying to restore a relationship that was one-sided. My bitterness and loneliness as a child is apparent in the poems I wrote, and the one mentioned above is one of many. In my sorrows, I was alone and I couldn't help but think that God was absent. These thoughts heightened when two years ago, my dad told me that he thought it best if I didn't visit that summer, that he needed a break. Instead, I ended up reluctantly going to a retreat with my friend's church. During one of the services, I found myself breaking down and crying uncontrollably. I longed for His mercy, and like the blind man who kept crying out "Son of David, have mercy on me!" (Luke 18:39), I too cried out to God in this way. In that moment, God's peace settled over me. For the first time, I knew that I wasn't alone, and that my Creator would heal me and my relationships in His own timing. A year ago, God led me to a church where He began to meld my brokenness. God allowed me to forgive my father of his past mistakes. Despite this, I'll continue to need His strength to keep forgiving my father. While it's been a year since I've talked to my dad, my faith in Christ has grown and I've realized the worthiness of His timing. As a little girl I truly felt alone in my sorrows - little did I know how profoundly God would draw me to Him and allow me to experience Him more intimately.
"Sitting at the edge of the swimming pool
Thinking that I have failed my test
The water whispering to each other
Saying it would be great if they could breath
And as I stand up I could see millions of broken glass
And as I see this, there is no swimming pool I see
That it is an ocean of darkness and sadness
Mermaids trying to pull me into the water
Birds getting their dinner and as I sit down on the rock,
The ocean turned back to the swimming pool
Just as I opened my eyes"
When I was a year old, my dad walked out on my mom, my sister and me. For six years he was absent, and the only emotions that were remotely close to despair were those felt when my mom dropped me off at the daycare. I would desperately cling unto her, and my cries mingled with her tears. I hardly understood why I spent so much time at my grandparent's house or why my mom worked nighttime shifts - I was naive in both my childish heartache and effervescence. When I was seven, my father appeared without warning and captivated me with colorful toys and stuffed animals. A year later, he called with news that he had remarried. And of this, all I remember in my bewildered state is witnessing my sister's sobs and frantic rage as she pulled my books from the shelves and threw them down onto the ground. Year after year, I visited my dad with thoughts that if I could possibly forgive him, perhaps my sister could also. However, I became burdened with trying to restore a relationship that was one-sided. My bitterness and loneliness as a child is apparent in the poems I wrote, and the one mentioned above is one of many. In my sorrows, I was alone and I couldn't help but think that God was absent. These thoughts heightened when two years ago, my dad told me that he thought it best if I didn't visit that summer, that he needed a break. Instead, I ended up reluctantly going to a retreat with my friend's church. During one of the services, I found myself breaking down and crying uncontrollably. I longed for His mercy, and like the blind man who kept crying out "Son of David, have mercy on me!" (Luke 18:39), I too cried out to God in this way. In that moment, God's peace settled over me. For the first time, I knew that I wasn't alone, and that my Creator would heal me and my relationships in His own timing. A year ago, God led me to a church where He began to meld my brokenness. God allowed me to forgive my father of his past mistakes. Despite this, I'll continue to need His strength to keep forgiving my father. While it's been a year since I've talked to my dad, my faith in Christ has grown and I've realized the worthiness of His timing. As a little girl I truly felt alone in my sorrows - little did I know how profoundly God would draw me to Him and allow me to experience Him more intimately.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
if you lead me LORD, i will follow
there are many things i want to talk about, to sift through and contemplate. however, the one topic that seems to loom over all other speculations is that of college. since i'll be spending most of my fall break working on applications, it seems necessary to start off by letting loose all extraneous streams of thought into cyberspace. as cliche as it is, i can't bring myself to believe that one stage of my life will be fading into the dusk. corny, right? it is. and yet . . i'm eager to see what God planned for me. i want Him to lead me - for who else but my creator knows where i should be and what i should be doing?Monday, July 12, 2010
You are my lamp, O Lord;
the LORD turns my darkness into light.
- 2 Samuel 22:29
For most of my life, I've drawn a distinct line between my grandpa and myself. This relationship was one I barely tolerated and this man was someone I could not forgive. His actions had resulted in my dad leaving my mom when I was only one. It hurt too much to look him in the eye and try to grasp how deeply he regretted what he did. These were the thoughts I had before my grandmother's death in February. Since then, my grandpa's condition was one of physical atrophy and his movements and words were but an echo of the man he once was. Still, I did not care. I pitied him, but this pity did not evolve into something more. I thought this would be the status quo, except God had other things planned. A couple of weeks ago, I went to San Francisco with my mom and grandpa. Certain events took place that I don't care to go into too much detail, but I came back changed in my understanding of both him and myself. In this state I was able to do what I had chosen not to do for sixteen years. I know that God allowed the events that happened in San Francisco to occur so that I might forgive my grandfather and see him in a new light. It dawned on me just how weary and sick at heart he was. The more time I spend with him, the more I am able to relate to this man. I understand his loneliness, and so I lift up my prayers to Christ, asking Him for restoration. Despite what may seem to be an overall somber post, I want to emphasize how God is both the provider and healer. The broken relationships that I have tried to fix have crumbled, have turned to dust in my hands. And yet, God again and again shows me that I am not the healer, but that He is.
- 2 Samuel 22:29
For most of my life, I've drawn a distinct line between my grandpa and myself. This relationship was one I barely tolerated and this man was someone I could not forgive. His actions had resulted in my dad leaving my mom when I was only one. It hurt too much to look him in the eye and try to grasp how deeply he regretted what he did. These were the thoughts I had before my grandmother's death in February. Since then, my grandpa's condition was one of physical atrophy and his movements and words were but an echo of the man he once was. Still, I did not care. I pitied him, but this pity did not evolve into something more. I thought this would be the status quo, except God had other things planned. A couple of weeks ago, I went to San Francisco with my mom and grandpa. Certain events took place that I don't care to go into too much detail, but I came back changed in my understanding of both him and myself. In this state I was able to do what I had chosen not to do for sixteen years. I know that God allowed the events that happened in San Francisco to occur so that I might forgive my grandfather and see him in a new light. It dawned on me just how weary and sick at heart he was. The more time I spend with him, the more I am able to relate to this man. I understand his loneliness, and so I lift up my prayers to Christ, asking Him for restoration. Despite what may seem to be an overall somber post, I want to emphasize how God is both the provider and healer. The broken relationships that I have tried to fix have crumbled, have turned to dust in my hands. And yet, God again and again shows me that I am not the healer, but that He is.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
you are free
As of yesterday, my grandmother has been in a state of comatose. My heart cries. Cries for my mom. Cries at seeing my grandfather trying to get through to her, this man who has taken care of my grandmother for the past twenty-four years after her stroke. Despite this, he seems to be aware of the decision he will have to make. Death is only the beginning of eternity with Christ. She will dance and be free of the bondages of her paralyzation. How wretched we are, we who have fallen short of God's glory. Who seek things that are evanescent and find such a shallow joy in pleasures that are quick to fade away. I yearn to seek out God and not waste my time on these things. He who sent His one and only Son to save me. It is through His grace that I am saved. It is through His grace that she goes to be with Him eternally.What I am saying, dear brothers and sisters, is that our physical bodies cannot inherit the Kingdom of God. These dying bodies cannot inherit what will last forever.
But let me reveal to you a wonderful secret. We will not all die, but we will all be transformed! It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed. For our dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; our mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies.
Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.
-1 Corinthians 15:50-57
Saturday, January 2, 2010
the fear of the Lord
As this year kicks off, I just want to praise God for all the things that He has done within the Youth and within the kids. I praise God for this love for Him that he has instilled in me. I wish to serve Him, I wish to seek Him, I wish to follow Him. So let this be a year where I can continue growing within God and fearing Him with all my heart. Let this be a year where I am held accountable for my actions and seek not to have my identity shaped by others but instead by God. Let us can boldly proclaim Christ as our Savior and not be shaken in our love for Him. For He is everlasting and His love for us knows no bounds.
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