Son of David, have mercy on me

Essay #1 - Share your personal story of faith in Christ and how your experiences have been formative in growing and developing your current relationship with Christ:

"Sitting at the edge of the swimming pool
Thinking that I have failed my test
The water whispering to each other
Saying it would be great if they could breath
And as I stand up I could see millions of broken glass
And as I see this, there is no swimming pool I see
That it is an ocean of darkness and sadness
Mermaids trying to pull me into the water
Birds getting their dinner and as I sit down on the rock,
The ocean turned back to the swimming pool
Just as I opened my eyes"

When I was a year old, my dad walked out on my mom, my sister and me. For six years he was absent, and the only emotions that were remotely close to despair were those felt when my mom dropped me off at the daycare. I would desperately cling unto her, and my cries mingled with her tears. I hardly understood why I spent so much time at my grandparent's house or why my mom worked nighttime shifts - I was naive in both my childish heartache and effervescence. When I was seven, my father appeared without warning and captivated me with colorful toys and stuffed animals. A year later, he called with news that he had remarried. And of this, all I remember in my bewildered state is witnessing my sister's sobs and frantic rage as she pulled my books from the shelves and threw them down onto the ground. Year after year, I visited my dad with thoughts that if I could possibly forgive him, perhaps my sister could also. However, I became burdened with trying to restore a relationship that was one-sided. My bitterness and loneliness as a child is apparent in the poems I wrote, and the one mentioned above is one of many. In my sorrows, I was alone and I couldn't help but think that God was absent. These thoughts heightened when two years ago, my dad told me that he thought it best if I didn't visit that summer, that he needed a break. Instead, I ended up reluctantly going to a retreat with my friend's church. During one of the services, I found myself breaking down and crying uncontrollably. I longed for His mercy, and like the blind man who kept crying out "Son of David, have mercy on me!" (Luke 18:39), I too cried out to God in this way. In that moment, God's peace settled over me. For the first time, I knew that I wasn't alone, and that my Creator would heal me and my relationships in His own timing. A year ago, God led me to a church where He began to meld my brokenness. God allowed me to forgive my father of his past mistakes. Despite this, I'll continue to need His strength to keep forgiving my father. While it's been a year since I've talked to my dad, my faith in Christ has grown and I've realized the worthiness of His timing. As a little girl I truly felt alone in my sorrows - little did I know how profoundly God would draw me to Him and allow me to experience Him more intimately.