You make beautiful things.

You make beautiful things out of dust.

You make beautiful things.

You make beautiful things out of dust.

You make me new.

You are making me new.

intricacies

i was going to go with the chicago evangelism team to wrigleyville last night, but i decided to lay low and hang out with myself in the library, which actually consisted of doing psychology and then catching up on modern family. if you heard random spurts of giggles, that would have been me. actually, the library was pretty empty which i guess makes sense on a friday night. i took my bike and rode to the billy graham museum this morning and spent some time with god in the chapel. it felt really really good. this past week burned me out. honestly, being around people constantly and being misunderstood by others burns me out. i just wanna be able to see myself from god's perspective, you know? i was reading jeremiah, and God directed my attention to a couple of verses:

"But blessed are those who trust in the Lord

and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.

They are like trees planted along a riverbank,

with roots that reach deep into the water.

Such trees are not bothered by the heat

or worried by long months of drought.

Their leaves stay green,

and they never stop producing fruit." -jeremiah 17:7-8

it feels good be alive. to be able to run to God and be still in his presence. i want god to carve in me a deeper well. i want to keep asking him for more of his spirit.

p.s. rode my bike to downtown wheaton and spent way too much time at the local yarn shop. one of the ladies asked me if i was a 'chapel knitter' even though i hadn't mentioned that i was a student at wheaton college. this place is so tiny. i love it.

today, i joined a prayer group that meets monday nights in the kingdom prayer room. we sat there worshiping, praying, interceding. of course i ended up crying and a good deal of snot and tears got on my clothes..ok, that's beside the point. the point i guess is that i was once again reminded of who God created me to be. i was born to praise god. wow. how amazing is that? i was born to praise god for eternity and beyond. it's unnerving how easily and how quickly i forget that at times. and yet, despite my inconsistencies, God always brings me back to Him. and really, in the end, there are no words left for me to say.

lord. be with my sister. i say no to satan's darkness. i say no to his deception. lord. i haven't talked to her since i got here. lord. my heart still breaks over her. tonight, i lift her up to you. take my fear.

On the mount of crucifixion,
Fountains opened deep and wide;
Through the floodgates of God’s mercy
Flowed a vast and gracious tide.
Grace and love, like mighty rivers,
Poured incessant from above,
And Heav’n’s peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love.

i sat there, and there was fear in my heart. i live on a christian campus, but i feel like God is leading me through the wilderness. there is insecurity in my heart, and i want to look to something bigger, something greater than the trivialities that i've been focusing on. lead me through the wilderness. home is where you are.

bénis l'Éternel, mon âme

this entry is going to be far from cohesive, because sometimes, i would rather hear my fingers tap away on the keyboard rather than stare blankly at the screen. stream of consciousness, ready, set, go. (well..., sorta). we sang in french today. professeur zadi has a fondness for singing french christian songs and it's awesome that i can start my day off worshiping god in another language. i've been here for three weeks now. the leaves are starting to change color, and i can feel a crispness in the air. i mostly miss my mom and the warmth she brings into my life. i miss her perspective and my conversations with her on the phone have been brief. life here at wheaton is a swirl and mesh of experiences that i haven't fully processed yet. time is many things here. i kinda feel rootless, and am scared that i'll take my experiences here for granted. pretty sure i'm making no sense at all. the people here are wonderful, but there's this nagging desire in me for something more. i'm sure intimacy will come with time. i want to be a blessing to the people around me. i don't want to forget the vision god gave me before i committed to this school. when i look back, i wonder what will have changed? i hope i can look back and see that i've become more humble, more compassionate, more desirous for god. sometimes when i'm in His presence my heart trembles with joy and i can truthfully and sincerely say that each heartbeat is in response to His perfect love for me. He captivates my heart. when i walk around campus, i see students praying with each other and edifying one another. when i'm studying, i can hear praise drifting towards me from one of the chapel rooms. onwards, onwards, we run towards christ in our daily lives.