I asked you to be my first love. i was filled every day - i came before you with open palms and you filled them beyond what i asked for. my joy was weaved partially in the blessings you poured out on me.
lord, this semester is harder. make me teachable; teach me - this is what i asked you as second semester began. i admit i faltered (i still do); i placed expectations on you to meet me in the same way that you had during first semester. but you're taking me through a different season. and i now realize that you want to give me a deeper joy. a joy that isn't based merely on blessings or even emotions but instead on who you are. i want this joy. Oh, God, i want this deep-rooted joy. let my reaction to you not be based on your gifts but on your character. lord, my joy in you is circumstantial. my love for you falters. how amazing is it that your love for me is the same every single moment? you never falter in delighting in me.
sometimes when i'm praying, i get this image of some sort of vase or jar being tipped over. it's contents are poured out. an emptying of sorts; a pleasing sacrifice..
whatever gain i had, i counted it as loss for the sake of Christ.
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