sinking

it's funny how these days i just want to give in to the dark chasms in my heart. these days it's a constant wrestle between two dichotomies: the light & the dark. is it possible to forget how to love oneself? is it possible to forget how to love others? i'm at a loss on how to do both. i loathe how i put so much meaning into things (idols) that catalyze spiritual death. lately, i see how so many put their heart into idols and my heart breaks. God have mercy on me, a sinner. i don't understand why i choose the dark instead of the light - it's more than my foolishness, it's my rejection of your love. God, i don't understand myself. Have mercy on me.

read through Romans - time to read through it again..