The Sea of Galilee

After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?"
"Yes, Lord," Peter replied, "you know I love you."
"Then feed my lambs," Jesus told him.
Jesus repeated the question: "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
"Yes, Lord," Peter said, "you know I love you."
"Then take care of my sheep," Jesus said.
A third time he asked me, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, "Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you."
Jesus said, "Then feed my sheep."

I wonder how Peter must have felt when after having denied Jesus three times, he was asked this question by Jesus. He must have been guilt-ridden and filled with shame - to the point where he wept bitterly. But the question Jesus asks Peter isn't one filled with reproach, it assumes that God's love for Peter is already established and remains unwavering even in the midst of Peter's inconsistency. The ball's in Peter's court. Peter, do you love me?

Jesus take me to the Sea of Galilee and ask me what you asked Peter. In the midst of my inconsistency and self-condemnation and guilt and shame, i want to respond with these words: Jesus, oh Jesus, I love you. This is the cry of my heart, to love you more and more.

I'm thankful that in my heart, I can say that I know and have a relationship with my Creator and Savior.

I'm thankful that He is holding onto me, even though I can hardly get a grip on myself.

I'm thankful that God plans to use this season of my life.

I'm thankful that God loves me.

I'm thankful that I have the affections of Jesus, and that is enough. 

I'm thankful that I've been talking to my sister more and that she's been contacting me more.

I'm thankful that I'm going to the South this Spring Break to serve at Koinonia Farms for a week.

I'm thankful that I can worship God even when I feel like I'm sinking.

I'm thankful that God is with me, right here, right now.

I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit rests on me and dwells within me.

I'm thankful that Kailey is going to be a blessing to the freshman and sophomore girls next year as RA on 3east.

I'm thankful that I have my mom.

I'm thankful that she knows my heart so well and that our relationship glorifies God.

I'm thankful for her prayers.

I'm thankful for her servanthood.

I'm thankful that her heart reflects God's heart.

I'm thankful that the girls on my floor bought me a ticket to the President's Ball, even though I profusely told them that I really didn't mind not going.

I'm thankful for my church here in Illinois.

I'm thankful that I my brothers and sisters on this campus refresh me and encourage me.

I'm thankful that my experience in Amsterdam planted seeds in my heart.

I'm thankful that God is so good.

I'm thankful that He is so good.

I'm thankful that God is going to use me and that He is going to show me more of His heart.

I'm thankful that Satan is already defeated.

I'm thankful that God's Kingdom is already here among believers, and that Heaven on earth will be completely established upon Jesus' second coming.

I'm thankful for the girls on my floor, that we can be honest in our struggles.

I'm thankful for Eric and Danielle, one who is a graduate student and the other who recently finished her undergrad here.

I'm thankful for my professors, who love God.

I'm thankful for Hea Bin jdsn, and the community at La Sarang Church.

I'm thankful that I got to grow closer with my sister during Christmas break.

I'm thankful that my salvation isn't dependent on works.

I'm thankful that God is merciful and compassionate.

I'm thankful for Abby, a dear friend and a person who is so close to my heart.

I'm thankful for the Shelter ministry and the people who make that ministry possible.

I'm thankful that I was able to go to Emmaus last week, a ministry that prays for/fellowships with the men prostitutes in downtown Chicago.

I'm thankful that I'm going to be Joanne's RA reserve next year.

I'm thankful that God is so good to me.

I'm thankful for the prayer chapel in the Billy Graham museum.

I'm thankful for Kailey, who I am daily blessed by.

I'm thankful that God calls me to follow him and that he beckons me. 

I'm thankful for seasons of hardship and seasons of joy.

I'm thankful that God wants to have a deeper relationship with Him.

I'm thankful that this list is helping me, even right now.

I'm thankful that there is SO MUCH to be thankful about.

I'm thankful for God's Word.

I'm thankful that Satan hates gratitude (ha! take that, Satan).

I'm thankful that I'm really clueless about my future and that that is ok. God knows.

I'm thankful that God has guided me through my classes and that He is the One who allows my brain to understand chemistry.

I'm thankful that I like chemistry.

I'm thankful that God is with whoever is reading this right now and that He loves you very very much (I know that at least two people have read my blog.. Grace Kang and David Chung. ha ha).

I'm thankful for Dr. Vlachos and how boss he is (he's my new testament professor).

I'm thankful for all of his mind-blowing stories and his various testimonies.

I'm thankful for you God -- thank you for accepting my love.

I'm thankful for old friends, and new friends.

I'm thankful that Jesus shows us how to live.

I'm thankful that He is truly the perfect example.

I'm thankful that Christ submitted to the will of the Father.

I'm thankful that there are times in my life when I have to ask myself who I think Christ is.

I'm thankful that there is no condemnation.

I'm thankful that whenever I fall, that there is no self-condemnation.

I'm thankful that I've been falling a lot, that it turns me to God and reminds me of the Gospel.

I'm thankful that God's grace is bigger than my sin.

I'm thankful for my brokenness.

I'm thankful that I can stand on the cross and the redeeming love of Christ.

I'm thankful that God is victorious over death.

I'm thankful that I can call myself a heir of Christ.

I'm thankful that I am God's child.

I'm thankful that I have experienced God and will continue experiencing Him for the rest of my life.

I'm thankful that I can pray while I run.

I'm thankful that He has freed me and that I can worship Him in freedom.

I'm thankful that God's love is as vast as it is wide.

I'm thankful that Spring is almost hear.

I'm thankful that there is joy in the morning, even though there may be weeping at night.

I'm thankful that I am materially blessed.

I'm thankful that I have homework I need to start doing.

I'm thankful that I'm not alone, and that God is with me.

I'm thankful for the body of Christ.

I'm thankful that God is good, all the time.

God, i love you and desire to be a woman after your heart. Help me to seek you out even when i don't see you working and don't feel your presence. I approach your throne-room as a sinner, broken completely.When the darkness closes in on me, I pray that I would know in my heart your love for me.

My name is Grace, and God sent His one and only Son to die on the cross for me. It's because of the Father's love that I am crushed, but not destroyed. My sin has no hold over me, and death has no power.

sometimes when you're naval-gazing and feeling angsty, you just have to go do emmaus/serve in downtown chicago and do some late-night dumpster diving at trader joes. it's feels pretty liberating.

pillar of salt

i think ... i understand what lot's wife felt as she left the city of Sodom and Gomorrah. the sin that she had been living in was a source of familiarity to her. she grew complacent in an environment thriving in wickedness and yes, she let it seep through the cracks in her heart. and even though the Lord promised a far better future for her and Lot, she couldn't just stretch her faith and allow the Lord to save her. she looked back. or maybe she doubted that the Lord would do good on his promise? I don't know. i pity her and my heart grows sad because these days, i see so much of myself in this story. i catch myself glancing backwards and failing to trust that the Lord took me out of my old habits and is taking me somewhere new. honestly, most of the time i feel lost. i need the Lord to prove his faithfulness to me ... even though i wander.