pillar of salt

i think ... i understand what lot's wife felt as she left the city of Sodom and Gomorrah. the sin that she had been living in was a source of familiarity to her. she grew complacent in an environment thriving in wickedness and yes, she let it seep through the cracks in her heart. and even though the Lord promised a far better future for her and Lot, she couldn't just stretch her faith and allow the Lord to save her. she looked back. or maybe she doubted that the Lord would do good on his promise? I don't know. i pity her and my heart grows sad because these days, i see so much of myself in this story. i catch myself glancing backwards and failing to trust that the Lord took me out of my old habits and is taking me somewhere new. honestly, most of the time i feel lost. i need the Lord to prove his faithfulness to me ... even though i wander.