Thoughts along the road

Arrived in Phoenix a couple of nights ago & I was able to catch the last bit of Friday night's revival. I stood in the back, eyes closed in prayer.The speaker began to point people out and speak directly to them. Before I knew what was going on, he said in a loud voice, "the girl in the red sweater!" I paused, eyes closed. "Open your eyes. Yes, you!" I slowly opened my eyes and then he began:

"The fire of God is going to fall on you at this moment. You… you are different. God is going to take you to dark and dangerous places. Don't think inside the box - His plan for you is outside the box. You are going to have a mighty love for people."

I called my mom the next morning and told her what happened, and she began sharing what some of the things God has lately been putting on her heart. If i haven't mentioned it already, my mom has had this desire for the longest time to go to South Korea and be a missionary in a rural village after she retires from the post office. She's been a jdsn at my church for as long as i can remember and I guess for a while now, God has been telling her that her mission field is my home church in Salt Lake City, at least for right now. God told her that just as He accepted David's heart and desire to build a temple for Him, he accepts her heart as well. And just as Solomon was the one to build the temple, the next generation in my family will be the one sent out.

When I told her all that Pastor Del said to me, there was silence on the other end of the line. She eventually spoke, and told me that there were tears in her eyes. She also said that when she prays for me these days, she feels some level of anxiety over my physical well-being (future physical well-being) and that she's been having to surrender me to God.

I know there's some sort of calling in my life to do missions… But for right now, all I can think about is how selfish, prideful, and unloving I am. God, I need you to continue to change me and give me your heart for others. You've brought me a long ways, but I have so many areas inside me that are cringe-inducing. This is my prayer - that you would give me your heart for others as you walk alongside me. I know you love me too much to leave me where I am. Change me to reflect more and more of you, Jesus.