Quick Thankful List

Busy, busy, busy. I got offered a summer job yesterday (yes! thank you God!) and will be working full-time on a production team preparing sandwiches and the like for Granato's Deli, Vosen's German Bakery & Wasatch Dough Co. During the weekday, I'll be volunteering at the clinic four hours in the morning and then from noon to six, I'll be working. I have monday microbio lab and class on tuesday and thursday nights and wednesday 'pray&play' night with church friends. this summer just got a lot crazier and i'm thankful to be busy. hopefully, i won't burn out but remain grounded in the Lord even as I go about each day. Actually, the way I got the job is kind of a cool story, but I have to get going soon so I'll leave that for later. Thankful to God for his guidance and I am reminded that he is always on top of it.

Some thoughts for the day

It is a lie imbedded in society that one's worth or value is dependent on performance and achievement. It is a lie to think that you can somehow become more worthy by doing this, doing that, by always doing something more. I want to start seeing people through a different lens - not the lens that society puts on - and be able to appreciate someone because of their inherent value. And for myself? There's nothing more I have to do to make myself more valuable or more worthy. Society continues to shout out that we need to do this, we need to change that in order to be more "valuable". My value is something that is set - it does not continuously fluctuate and does not depend on whether I [fill in the blank]. And obviously God saw me as valuable because he sent his Son to die for me. So dang, that value bar has already been set pretty high and we can just take a breath and RELAX.

A quick update on life here in Salt Lake:

-Classes have started and my microbiology teacher has a good sense of humor and is pretty chill. He told our class the first day that he wasn't going to take attendance and that we can basically choose what section to show up for (which makes my schedule pretty flexible). He also said that he understands if we'd rather learn from the textbook and not come to class at all - haha so counter-Wheaton. 

-Today was my first day of volunteering at Maliheh Free Clinic & I'm honestly excited to spend time here this summer. It seems like everyone actually wants to be there and provide medical services to the underserved (those below the poverty line here in Salt Lake). One of the clinic's core values is hope and I love that. It's beautiful to be in a position where you can extend hope to someone who is in need of it. 

-I'm reading through scripture + using a O/T commentary to supplement my readings. Praying for Thailand and the Middle East and also slowly becoming updated on world events.

-My mom had a cancer scare and had to get a biopsy for an infection on her tongue. She's so frail and her work at the post office and at the church are both taxing. Still, she's incredibly dedicated and obedient to God's will. Prayer for her (as well as my church in Salt Lake) is much appreciated and needed!!

Thankful list:

-Kombucha tea & Whole Foods chocolate mousse 

-Spending time with my sister yesterday 

-Maliheh Clinic 

-Classes that keep me busy and keep me from otherwise turning into a couch potato

 

Declarations.

I desire to be saturated in the Word and in the presence of the Lord this summer - may the seemingly boring summer at home be ironically the most abundantly filled with God's love and presence. 

I 

WANT 

TO 

BE 

ON

FIRE.

Somehow, caps makes everything simultaneously annoying and well.., annoying but my heart is yelling this right now.

Today

Today, the Lord rejoices over me. He sings and dances and his love for me is abundant. His love is abundant, and I don't have to do anything but soak it in. God, thank you!

Today, I am thankful for:

-Spending time with Doyoung's family
-Nahmyoung's generous heart and getting to know her and her family this past week
-Nice Chicagoans who kindly redirected me to less sketchy neighborhoods
-Crazy Chicago weather
-Walking through the beautiful neighborhoods and looking at all the different architecture
-Exploring all the different neighborhoods in the city
-Getting an A in organic chemistry (i'm going to miss that class so much)
-This past year and all the things that God showed me and taught me
-Finally getting around to making a resume
-Being able to sleep in my own bed
-Warm Salt Lake City weather
-Being home :)

"What happens in meditation is that we create the emotional and spiritual state which allows Christ to construct an inner sanctuary in the heart. Inward fellowship of this kind transforms the inner personality. We cannot burn the eternal flame of the inner sanctuary and remain the same, for the Divine Fire will consume everything that is impure." -Celebration of Discipline (Foster)

Transformation springs forth from continuous association with the most Holy. I realize more + more these days that I cannot & will not remain the same. It is impossible to maintain an intimate relationship with God and not change in any way or in any form. 

Conversations with a Buddhist

I shifted from one foot to the other, waiting for bus 8 to come along. there was a guy standing nearby, and i quickly tugged off my earphones and caught his attention, saying "hey, this is kind of random, but i just want to tell you that God loves you." I had been inwardly debating with myself for the past five minutes as to whether I should speak those words out loud to this stranger, eventually giving in to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. He said something in return, and told me he was a Buddhist who had been practicing for three or some years. I asked him if Buddhism brought him happiness, and he replied that it did. We continued our conversation on the bus, and then on the L and he talked about how transformation was possible and that Buddhism made truth attainable by wiping away deception - all possible through chanting and other self-induced efforts. I made some comments, and talked about how I found it impossible to attain truth + transformation by my own efforts; both these things are made possible only because God himself has revealed himself through Christ. It's not anything that I've done, but God's movement towards me. I am sinful, and not by any means capable of self-transformation. When I mentioned that humans are all broken, he quickly commented that not only are we not in a state of brokenness, but that sin is a figment of our imagination. I wish I could have been more eloquent in my conversation with this guy - i pretty much got swamped by his beliefs and didn't really know how to respond well in the short time that we had. And then he asked me for my number, and of course, I couldn't think of a clever way to say no (i should have just said no). Towards the end of our conversation, he seemed to think that I was interested in Buddhism & told me that he'd keep in touch with me. He also pointed out that he didn't believe that Jesus was the Messiah. Fail and fail. We parted ways, and I chided myself for my stupidity. Can't a girl just approach a stranger and tell him that God loves him? apparently not. Oh well, better luck next time.

Ethnography on the Jung Family

I've been staying at church family's house these past couple of days & as an outsider, I have been recipient of warm welcomes and pleasant immersion into the Jung family. right now, I'm on a stool chair in the kitchen, glass of milk on the table and Celebration of Discipline in my hand (now on my lab as i type on my Mac). I'm distracted in the best way because i'm thinking about 이모 (korean for aunt - a term of endearment that feels natural on my tongue) and how she loves her children. it's a stage in life that is foreign to me, and i feel that it will be unknown territory for quite some time. but i have enjoyed watching her with the youngest, 18-month Aaron, and I feel admiration and a bit of awe at how she manages a house of three children, a golden retriever named Sky (don't ask me why), and 삼촌 (who is pretty awesome in his own way). Right now the dog whimpers to be let out of his cage and Dylan (the other son) and his friend are laughing and giggling on the swing set (they were earlier having a screaming match), and 이모 is swinging Aaron, his happy demeanor apparent on his chubby face. Aaron is wonderful to observe and I feel like i can entertain myself just watching him. Actually, I have entertained myself for most of today watching this little tyke - even during his nap-time as I creepily observed him from the little monitor. At one point, I guess he saw the camera moving and his fat chubby smiley face got up close and personal to the camera. He is such a happy baby - right now I can see him flailing his arms and talking baby-talk, and I'm thankful that he is a baby that has received so much love from his mom and his other family members. In it's own time, being a mother must be a time of life thick with its own pleasures. I see it in 이모 and in her face as she spends time with her son. Her love for him tumbles forth naturally, and she unknowingly blesses me with it as well. 

Anyways, I'm leaving tonight for Chicago and will be in the city for a couple of days. I figure it's a good time to rest and process and explore some of the different neighborhoods and museums by myself.  I'm actually kind of excited - i love roaming new places and it reminds me of backpacking through Europe and the first initial weeks in Amsterdam. 

Also, my anthropology major friends always toss around the term 'ethnography' and I figured it was an appropriate title for this post. hehe. 

two nights ago i went into gold star chapel for some solitude time & asked the Lord what he wanted to do with my summer back home in Salt Lake City. in that split-second, he gave me a picture of a huge world map that I was unrolling on the floor in my room. I was praying for the nations, interceding fervently for countries all around the world. i am intrigued and excited. More than anything, I want to be so alive this summer - I want to be on fire for God and fall more + more in love with him. Summers in Salt Lake are usually pretty ordinary/borderline boring, but I dunno, something in me knows that this is an opportunity for growth and rest in the Lord (especially before I go off to korea).

sanctification is this crazy awesome process where I am able to be ok with myself + look at my faults straight on and allow myself to hold onto the promise that God is not done with me. 

wow! yes!
it feels good to let that out - i'm going to end junior year with this reminder: My name is Grace, and I am in the process.

I'm in the thick of finals, and am trying to wrap my head around organic chemistry, these past 9 months, relationships with friends, friends who i won't be seeing until next January, the summer ahead, the study abroad ahead.. Pause. Let's backtrack and zoom in on my spiritual life. I feel like I've put a pause button in my relationship with God. Somehow, this past month or so, I've gotten so caught up with other things and I feel like I'm emotionally and spiritually floating around. And of course, whenever that happens I tend to look at myself and selfishly think about myself and my own needs and wants (more so than usual). I am tired of the performance treadmill, and weary of comparing myself & not meeting up to my own standards. I am tired of a hard and dry heart. God, how can I extricate myself from this constant mentality of comparison or even this constant mentality of thinking about myself? I have yearnings and hopes for the next season in my life - I pray that you would ground me in your Word and in your presence and in your love. Turn me inside-out and I pray that this summer would be filled with growth, change, and a greater love for others.