How can I fully and adequately describe this current season I am going through? It is one where the Lord is tearing down idols, breaking strongholds, pruning rough edges, building my faith and trust in him. I have been experiencing healing through confession and repentance and I realize that the Lord loves me in all of my ugliness and brokenness. I can honestly and truly say that I am living out faith when I choose to turn to Him in the midst of anxiety and fear. In the moments when he asks me to confess sins to trusted others and all I want to do is run the other way and not open the can of worms - because let's be honest, no one wants to share the ugly. And yet, even though my heart is lurching and I feel like my stomach is going to fall out my butt (I believe this is a Mean Girls quote), I take a breath and trust that the Lord wants to use this to encounter me deeper still. As much as I want to side-skirt, turn a blind eye or even trivialize sin, I cannot disregard the fact that the Lord cannot fully heal me if I keep the most broken areas of myself under wraps. I cannot disregard the fact the Lord is Holy and that what kills intimacy is sin.
What does this generation need? It is intimacy with the Lord. And indeed, this is something I desire above all else. I desire intimacy with God. The act of repentance and confession ushers in a space where we can truly be honest about our brokenness; it is a space where God's grace and acceptance meets us and where faith in the power of the Gospel takes on an active and dynamic form. There is something freeing in the act of confession and repentance, and there is grace to be found when this is done in the context of Christian community.
The thing is, I want to live fully and completely in the reality of who I am in Christ: a beloved daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Known and received and free. And you know what else? The Lord does not leave me shorthanded - He always meets me in those moments, which in turns strengthens my faith and motivates me to turn to Him again when I find myself in moments when I am reminded of my smallness and fickleness and tendency to turn to things other than Him. In all of this, I boast in the Lord's love and faithfulness. I boast in his supreme sovereignty and goodness. I boast in Him because in the end, there is no one else I can put my utmost confidence in. I will disappoint myself. My family and friends will disappoint me. Life will disappoint me. But the Lord has and never will disappoint me.
Thankful List:
-My clinical experiences, which have thus consisted of being on the mother-baby floor at Elmhurst Hospital and teaching sex education to 7th graders at an elementary school in North Lawndale.
-Sultan's Market
-Alison is back from MTI - Y A Y !
-Prayer meeting at Chicago Tabernacle
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