Seeker

Captured Liz making some moves  

I was waffling - to go to prayer night at Chicago Tabernacle or stay home and stay out of the cold, windy elements that have sadly hit Chicago so soon in the season? Usually, I'm all for prayer night and it has turned into routine for me to make the half-hour drive up to Avondale, but I found myself in my room deliberating if I should just stay home and take a shower and light a candle.

At the heart of my pause I realized that I was carrying a small thought that had creeped up on me: "Is the drive up really going to be worth it? Is the Lord really going to meet me tonight?"

I decided to stop grumbling and forced myself to put on my coat.

As I made my way out the door, Alison said, "Grace, it's going to be worth it. There hasn't been a time when it hasn't been refreshing."

Fast-forward half an hour and I found myself being ushered down the aisle into a seat near the front. I had gotten to the church a bit earlier than expected, and the worship team was warming up and I realized that I was sitting in front of a middle-aged man who has a wonderful tendency to gesticulate emphatically when worshipping (he too is a regular prayer night attendee - I usually sit a few rows behind him). As I sat down, he stood up and started to sing and worship the Lord and his voice was audible in the semi-quiet room.

This man was ministering to the Lord like he was the only one in the room - little did he know that the Lord was using him to minister to my heart. Something in my heart caught and the Lord spoke to me. "Grace, this man is worshipping me with his heart and it is so incredibly pleasing to me." I found myself wanting what this man has with the Lord. Or rather, I found myself drawn to want even more in my own personal relationship God.

As I grow in my relationship with Christ, I realize that even though I don't "feel it" in the moment, expectation rooted in the Lord's character has grown in me and I can step forward expecting that the Lord honors those who pursue him and seek him and desire to encounter him. And you know what? It's always worth it.

I pray that the Lord would continue to grow faith in me and that this faith would shadow moments when I stumble, when I doubt or grumble, when brokenness is evident. And I pray for the man sitting behind me, that his relationship with God would only grow richer and deeper with time and that it would cause others to pause and yearn for more.