Friday, May 22, 2020

Shotgun Conversations

I was driving home from work today and I had a conversation with the Lord that went something like this:

grace: "lord, following you is really hard. it's not that I'm less of a sinner, it's the reality that I become more sensitive to my sinful heart as I grow in relationship with you. Sometimes, I feel that it would be better to live in ignorant bliss of my divided heart. I am unable to follow you wholeheartedly."

god: "but grace, whenever you fall (which won't stop anytime soon), you always turn back to me."

grace: "you're right.. but lord, sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. I don't walk the walk. I talk a lot."

god: "I promise that as you continue to turn to me, I'll be the one to change you."

This is the God I serve. I glorify the Lord in this moment because the truth of the reality is, I am unable to change myself and my heart. My heart is deceptive; it deceives me and I realize that I can't fully trust it. The process is entirely in God's hands; my role is to simply come before him again and again whenever I fall short. 

It's not that I'm religious or righteous or a condemned sinner. I am first and foremost a beloved daughter of the King. And that is an identity I can accept wholeheartedly. 

No comments:

Post a Comment