Overdue Update

 This week has been super busy: I started orientation via zoom as a new hire at RUMC this past Monday (fun fact, this day also happened to be the first day of school and my team and I along with many others around the world experienced zoom crash on us. I mean, let's be real, this was bound to happen at some point). The next day, I hit the ground running and went with the COVID Rapid Response Team to a long-term facility in Lakeview where we tested the residents and staff for COVID. Not going to lie, it was shocking to hear that the number of residents had decreased from 66 to 40-something since March; basically, about a third of the long-term residents had passed away from the virus. Woah, right? On Thursday, my team and I went to an encampment site (locations around the city where homeless individuals set up camp) and partnered with DFSS, Salvation Army, and Haymarket. We provided testing and believe me when I say that I'm NEVER ever going to complain about wearing one cloth mask. It's uncomfortable, but is it as uncomfortable as wearing an N95, surgical mask on top of the N95, face shield, yellow PPE gown in 95 degree weather outside? Nope. Not at all. I felt like an MMA fighter trying to lose water weight. Still, I'm thankful that we have the PPE to protect ourselves as we go from site to site. Word has it that my team and I will start testing staff in different corporations and I think the Chicago Symphony Orchestra even reached out to my boss to see if we could go and test the CSO staff members. 

All this to say, I'm thankful. I'm thankful to provide these services to vulnerable and high-risk populations. I'm thankful that for now, I've found my niche in nursing. I love the flexible scheduling, my badass team, the adrenaline rush of having a new site "secured" for testing (we are working closely with the Department of Public Health), the variety of places around Chicago I have the opportunity to go to.

How strange to look back to even the beginning of this year when I found myself confused and apathetic regarding nursing. I marvel at God's timing and how ultimately, it is an honor to trust him and simply walk with the Lord. So, cheers to what's up ahead. And to whoever reads this blog, if you could lift up a prayer that I don't get 'rona, that would be appreciated! 

All That I Am

It was no simple act when your exhalation sparked this spirit 
and pushed play on my existence; alpha and omega, my story intricately wrapped up in yours.       
It was no simple act when you caught me in the swell, when you drew me out

of fiery places; this life would not exist if not for you.                                                                                        

_________

I give to you what is rightfully yours: my resources, my relationships, my past, my present, the future, moments of doubt and moments of trust, a life of worship, my flesh and spirit, these decaying bones, this heart aflame. All that I am, Jesus.                                                                              

Kitchen Conversations

I like to think of myself as a transparent person and maybe even a vulnerable one; today's conversation in the kitchen with Emily made me realize that I am the former, but rarely at times the latter. Let me provide some context to this statement. Last night, my housemates and I were getting ready to watch something on Disney +, and I offhandedly commented to Emily that I had struggled this week with certain sins. Fast forward to this morning, and she found me in the kitchen baking a caramel cake. She looped back to last night's brief conversation and told me that she heard me in that moment but also wondered if I was using that time and space as a way to check off a box (me struggling with certain sins + casual acknowledgement of it in community = palms wiped clean and not having to worry about it anymore). Box checked. I realized this morning that my nonchalant manner in last night's conversation was certainly a defense mechanism - I know I struggle with certain things and I know that there is freedom in openly admitting those things with people who know me well but am I willing to take that step and be completely vulnerable? 

The thing is, there is a distinction between transparency and vulnerability - the former is an openness to be real but I think the latter creates a space of rebuke, feedback and accountability within community. It is an invitation where I get to invite others to see the ugly pieces of who I am, but trust that they love me and will stick around. Vulnerability is not comfortable, but praise the Lord, he has given me a community of women who I trust with my heart and who I can be vulnerable with. I admit there are certain sins that I have become comfortable with, and that is a dangerous state of existence. For a while now, I've felt the Holy Spirit nudging me to be more vulnerable with the women I live with; for a while now, I have distracted myself and pushed those small prompts into a tiny corner in the back of my heart/mind. 

All this to say, the walls must come down. I want to continue to be sanctified and transformed. 

Deep Calls

In the cool of the day, I come before you          
Unabashedly so. Heart exposed.                 
The whole point of my existence is found        
in the cool of the day, in the wake of your presence.

I have come to stay a while, and to simply be.

Jonathan Ogden's worship sessions... highly recommend.