Selah

Every once in a while, I find myself in a moment that can only be described as a hit-pause, 'selah' moment. Sometimes, one feels the weight of certain moments more than others and what I'll be describing below is my attempt to capture one such moment. This season is one of huge transition for my community and I: Alison is moving to Denver, Colorado tomorrow to start her program at Denver Seminary, Grace is moving to Cincinnati soon to start her family medicine residency program, Rakiya moved out this past month into her new house, Emily is moving in with Steph this week and will be in the Humboldt Park neighborhood, Liz is moving forward in her dreams of buying the house we are currently living in here in North Lawndale. Even in the midst of so many transitions, our house has experienced the sweet blessing of hosting visiting friends (Jambi was with us for two weeks for her rotation at RUMC as a neurocritical physician and Cali drove in last night from Philadelphia and will be with us for the remainder of the week). 

Last night, I was in bed getting ready to go to sleep when Jambi texted me saying goodnight/goodbye and that she was going back to Peoria after her shift the following morning. In that moment, I decided I wanted to be intentional in saying my goodbyes (I have a hard time with goodbyes) so I ran downstairs to give Jambi a hug. Meanwhile, Emily was at the kitchen table talking to Rob and Lisa on the phone and after I said goodnight to Jambi, I started talking to Rob and one thing led to another and it hit me that it was Jambi's last night with us and that Emily was really really moving out. Somehow, my joking around with Rob/Lisa/Em/Liz switched tone mid-laugh and I started to cry. Wow, talk about an unexpected emotional takeover. I quickly ran upstairs to my room and laid in bed crying. 

Things could have ended on a mournful note, with me crying myself to sleep. And yet, a few minutes later, I heard footsteps and then Emily and Liz entered my room and piled on top of me in my bed. They wrapped their arms around me and we all just laid there. We paused, feeling the weight of the moment and the many emotions of gratitude towards the Lord for our community and opportunity to have lived with one another. We paused, collectively sitting in the pain and bittersweet moment of realizing that the future would not look like the present. And yet, we also articulated our hope in the Lord, and his steadfast faithfulness in our lives. 

It's true that we don't know what the Lord has in store for each one of us. It's true that much of this season has been me celebrating the milestones in my friends' lives and that even in the midst of celebration, I have been acutely aware of the loss of friends who are in close proximity to me. This morning, I woke up to find a text from Jambi: "the unfailing love of God surrounds the righteous. If he dresses the lillies in beauty and splendor...how much more does he love you. Grace, you are never alone and never abandoned." 

Lord, time and time again you have provided me with community. I pray that I would once again trust in this season and that you would glorify yourself in the space that is 1818 Troy.