Earlier this afternoon, I had a real heart-to-heart moment with the Lord. Usually, there are red flags that make me realize that I'm due for a heart-to-heart with him: my heart grows hard, I struggle with fear + anxiety, I get inpatient + snappy, my love for others grows cold. Of course, these are all external manifestations of a restless heart. And so today, I simply sat on the couch and started confessing the real state of my heart to the Lord. And strewn throughout my conversation with Him, I kept repeating, "Lord, I need you." And then, things got even more real because I started talking to the Lord about how it seems like I'm always carrying this underlying pain that is connected to my broken relationship with my father. At this point, I started to weep. Some minutes passed - I kept crying. And then, I became quiet and as I sat there with my eyes closed, the Lord gave me a vision.
In my mind's eye, I was in a meadow - the trees, flowers, grass, everything in the vision was all so vividly colorful. The rays of the sun infused the scene with a warm golden glow. I was in the vision, twirling a little girl around and around. A man - my husband - was also in the picture. And I think I saw another kid (a little boy)?
The Lord was silent in regards to my dad; for some reason, he instead gave me this vision of my future family. Who am I to say what the Lord should or should not do? It's very well true that I may never have a relationship with my dad this side of heaven. And yet, I find it interesting that he gave me this picture of the future (held loosely, of course).
Lord, I trust the heart behind the hand. I trust that while I may not see your hand moving at times, your heart for me will always be a heart of deep love. You do not withhold from me the desires of my heart.
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