we awoke at the same time. it was early morning, and there was a stillness in the air. home. with all its past tremors reverberating around me. i'm back from my first semester of college and i've been crawling into my mom's bed every night to sleep by her side.

i love talking to her, here in the rawness of the dawn. mom, God showed me deeper intimacy. he showed me more, and i know that i can't simply brush that aside. how can i turn away from him? i can't. i won't. mom, look at these tears that are falling silently from my eyes. he is so good.

home. i am haunted by the past here. i can't breathe. abba, satan deceives me. he whispers lies into my ear, saying things like, "you haven't changed at all. see here, you've been away but things haven't changed here."

no. i say no. it will not be so.