You are my hope when i am hopeless

I confess that the school-year was so hard because i placed God in a wheelchair. I was hurting and carried doubts about the extent of his ability to heal me and my family. So so skewed, right? In my pain and in my depression, my perspective towards God, others, and myself became so toxic. The love and joy that I had in my Savior was shaken and ultimately, it influenced my relationships and self-perspective. This past month has been one of complete surrender. The Lord tells me that He is bigger. That He is bigger than my fears, anxieties, doubts, selfishness, pride, and ultimately, myself. I'm letting go of feelings of self-entitlement and control over myself and my relationships. i'm not entitled to perfect relationships; it's because of God's love and grace that He is working in my family and who am I to be bitter towards him? i surrender my family, i surrender myself. i surrender all the areas that i haven't been relinquishing to you. yes, you know. God is working, His Spirit is moving. 

I feel like my relationship with Him is becoming stronger. I feel His presence in both new and old ways. I've missed this joy I had in you, God. blind me to myself and fix my eyes on you.