known and Known

One of the idols in my life is a constant need to be known. And I realize that this manifests itself through various mediums, whether it be through tangible forms like various relationships or more intangible forms like Facebook, Instagram, and even this blog. With the start of the new year, I jumped on the bandwagon and decided to take a break from Facebook. Amusingly, I had to reactivate my account a couple of hours into the new year because I wasn't able to listen to my Pandora station because it was linked to my Facebook account; alas, it appeared that I was caught knee-deep in the webby mires of social media. Don't worry, I was able to jump through some loopholes and deactivate my account. And let me tell you, one thing I realized after three months was the growth that occurred in my present day relationships. I was able to take time away from spending time glazing over relationships that were from another time and experience and invest my energy and love to grow present relationships. And boy, did it feel good.

Interestingly, I find that the pull of Facebook has to do more with myself. I want people to know what I'm doing, and feel out of the loop when I see posts that don't somehow involve me. Sure, it's nice to see life updates from people I love, but I gotta say, my motivations for being on social media are primarily selfish. These days, I realize that there is a deep joy in knowing that I am Known by God. I could fade into obscurity and not mind as long as I knew that God was right there, looking at me and loving me. 

Indeed, to this day I struggle with an insecure knowledge of love. There are deep chasms in my heart that cry out for deeper knowledge of God's love. It is a kind of love that frees me from having to constantly exert my presence on other people and it is a love that fills dark and lonely spaces inside of me. I want to spend more time being Known and not just known.