Speak into the Void

* "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters." -Genesis 1:1-2

My roommate drew my attention to this formidable passage, and the ensuing writing is based off of our conversation this afternoon. As of late, I find myself wrestling internally with the void that I feel at times, a void that seems infinite in its inability to be satisfied or filled. Sure, I can throw all sorts of things into the chasm, whether it be occupying myself and having a busy schedule or buying things I don't need. The list goes on. The most insidious part of it all? I have to admit that there is a lie that I have chosen to believe that God can't possibly satisfy me. There is a lie that I am not worthy of love because why then did my dad leave? Why then does he maintain distance? Why is he still absent, even after 26 years? I am left to my own devices. I am left to push against the boundaries of God's grace and mercy with this this line of thought: if I push just enough, then will you continue to love me? Because Lord, if you stopped pursing me, then things would make sense. I am unworthy of your love, just as I was unworthy of my own father's love right from the beginning. 

These lies run so deep, and my default mentality is so broken. But let's not end here, let's loop back to the beginning of this post. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering.

For those of you who have cracked open the bible, you know that this is a profound moment. Subsequently God speaks and starts to create everything out of nothing. And to what purpose? So that his creation would be his dwelling place and would point to his glory. When I look at this passage, I am reminded that the same God who did this is with me and can speak into the deep chasm that I feel within me. Not only that, but that this is a space that is occupied by the Holy Spirit. I may feel empty at times, but the truth of the reality is, the Holy Spirit is within me, reassuring me that to live is to be loved by God, nothing more nothing less.