Lord, today I lament because yesterday I was at work and found out that Sam's brother committed suicide earlier that morning. I moved through the day in a daze, not able to comprehend simple tasks; indeed, my thoughts kept going to Sam and her family. My thoughts kept dwelling on her dad, who found Dan earlier that morning. I grieve and mourn because this incidence has unearthed my own history and the instances when I witnessed suicide attempts in my own family. My deep fears growing up were never realized, however, and my sister lives. Yet, these fears have taken on a new reality because Sam is like my blood sister and I lament because she no longer has her brother. My heart and mind cannot comprehend this new reality. My faith cannot wrap itself around what life has become for Sam and the rest of her family. I lament.
A few weeks ago, a person came into my life unexpectedly. In one life-changing moment, Nastassja encountered Jesus and his unconditional love. She asked for guidance, and felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to reach out to my housemate (they are both medical students at UIC who interacted minimally at school prior to this season). My housemate started meeting up with her every Sunday and brought her over to our house this past Sunday. I got to hear firsthand her story and I couldn't help but cry and sit awestruck as she recounted her experience with the Lord and the ensuing desire she had to learn all about him. Nastassja and I have been texting back and forth scripture passages this week and she's going to come over this Sunday so we can make homemade bread and ricotta cheese and talk some more about the Lord.
These two stories are such a stark juxtaposition that honestly, leaves me with a range of intense emotions. The same God that encountered Nastassja so powerfully could have met Dan and prevented his death. Why one and not the other? This question keeps running through my head and I think the only prayer I can pray right now is that I would be okay with the unknown.
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