Wholeheartedly

There's a quote I really like that was articulated by Solzhenitsyn. It goes something like this:

"If only there were evil people somewhere, insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being, and who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?"

I think one adjective that really irks me is the word good. I can't claim it for myself, I can't expect it from other people. The thing is, the older I get, the more I see that goodness is conditional (like many other descriptives). Goodness is tied intricately to context and emotions; indeed, I confess that oftentimes, I'm good to other people because I am motivated by what I will gain from the experience. I may gain positive emotions, mutual friendship, the list goes on. The thing is, I am not a good person. All too often, I experience flashes of selfishness, pride, greed, contempt, rebelliousness - again, the list goes on.

So... That's pretty depressing. This heart condition characterized by fickleness is pretty disheartening. And yet, I'd like to counter Solzhenitsyn by saying that there is an alternative option that ushers in hope. Yes, no one is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart, but it is quite possible that a heart can be renewed and transformed. It involves dying to self and surrendering to the Lord. It involves not simply a piece of your heart, but the entirety of it, with all of its hills and valleys and caves and open fields. 

Why do I desire to give the Lord the entirety of my heart? Because in all of my 27 years, I have found that no one can take care of it better than Christ. Because so much of my inner and external transformation is deeply rooted in knowing the Lord and living with him and in community.