You Seek Me Out

 This weekend was hard, with my emotions hijacking me during unassuming moments. I have found myself thinking that I'll get through the day without crying, only to eat my words later on. That's the thing about grieving, it hits you at unexpected moments. Sharon invited me to go out with her and her sister and go dancing this past Saturday - my plan was to go but I found myself inundated by tears an hour prior to when I was supposed to meet her. I wasn't going anywhere at that point, and instead found the Lord extending an invitation to me: "Grace, grieve. Grace, come sit here with me and pour out your heart before me." So I did just that. I turned on a candle, turned off all the lights, unrolled my yoga mat and sat there crying before the Lord. 

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I went to church this morning, and saw that Pastor David Swanson from our sister church, New Community Covenant Church in Bronzeville, was preaching. At the end of the service, various prayer ministers stood at the front of the sanctuary and there was an altar call. Usually, the congregation response is a slow one and it takes a while for a small number to slowly walk up the aisle towards the front. Today wasn't so much the case, and honestly, it was cool to see an immediate response. There were lines of people down the center of the aisle and even on the far-right side and far-left side. I stood where I was, desirous for prayer but not wanting to awkwardly stand in line waiting my turn to receive prayer. Indeed,I stood where I was, thinking to myself how much I yearned for someone to pray for me. A few moments later, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around and saw that Geri and Dave had walked to where I was standing. They held me as I started to weep, and they prayed for me. They held me in the frantic, messy, weepiness of it all. In the intimacy of it all. Afterwards, Janet held me as I continued to cry and I felt so incredibly ministered to by the body of Christ. 

The thing is, in times past I have been quick to respond to an altar call. I know that when I walk up to the front and stoop down low before the cross, my physical response is a symbolic one of complete and utter surrender. Today, the Lord sought me out and reminded me that he is with me, pursuing me and reminding me of his presence.