Tonight I want to ponder and sit on the ways in which God has been near to me, especially as I honor and proclaim as sacred this season of singleness. This week, in particular, brought many instances of awareness of his presence and nearness.
On Monday, I got to chatting with Alison and as we caught up, she talked about how this season has been a financially harder one for her. She mentioned how stepping away from having a job as a therapist in the inpatient hospital psych unit brought rest and peace but also a pretty big cut in pay. That day in particular was a hard one for her as she had to unexpectedly replace all four tires on her car and she admitted to me she was struggling to trust that God would turn the financial tide around and provide for her. I listened to her, chiming in with articulations of empathy and encouragement and we wrapped up the conversation. I later went to a restore + sound bath class at my yoga studio that evening and towards the end of the class, the Lord spoke clearly to me and told me he wanted to encourage Alison, and that he wanted to do so through me. I clearly heard him say to me to give her a certain monetary amount via Venmo, which I did the next morning. In this season, what continues to strike me is that I am meant to pour out all the good things God has blessed me with. As in, I want to and so very much desire to keep the blessings moving. There is a part of me that recognizes that the Lord is growing me into the person he created me to be and that his favor and blessing is upon me, not to hoard or inflate my ego, but to channel towards loving others. In that moment when I sent Alison that Venmo, I felt honored that God wanted to use me to encourage a truly beautiful friend.
The next day, I found myself driving to Chicago Tabernacle for the weekly prayer meeting. As I entered the sanctuary and found a seat towards the front, I started to pray and pretty quickly, the air began to shift and I began to become more aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit in the space As I prayed, God laid upon me such a heavy burden to pray for those in my life who don't know him. Sam, Ruby, Rich, Dania, the list went on and on and I prayed for each person. I couldn't stop weeping, the tears kept flowing down my face, and I recognized in that moment that deep was calling out to deep. The intercessor's heart that God has given me burned, and I felt the burden that God must feel towards those who don't know him. I wept, and prayed that each person would have a holy encounter with the Lord.
Fast forward to Thursday I was able to work remote and once the work day was finished, I went to Dodd Camera on the hunt for a mirrorless camera. I had been praying and talking to the Lord about this season of new hobbies and passions and the opportunity to take to heart the words "pay attention to what you pay attention to", asking him to bring the right camera my way. Earlier in the year, I signed up for a photography class and was on a mission to find a camera I could grow into prior to the start of class. Thanks to many a Reddit thread and YouTube, I had my eyes set on getting a Fujifilm XT30 II camera and perhaps a XF 18-55 lens (if i could get my hands on one). I shuffled into Dodd with low expectations, thinking I would maybe poke and prod at a few cameras and get something online. It so happened that the camera store had acquired a new XT30 II just the day prior. I grinned, and asked what lenses they had. The store rep, Daniel, remarked that the particular lens i was wanting was hard to come by, and that in general, the store didn't acquire many Fujifilm lenses due to brand loyalty and popularity. He briefly looked around at the glass case lining the side of the store, and confirmed that he didn't have the lens i was looking for. He pulled out a few other lenses, all of which were outside my budget of (greater than $300). I hmmmed quite a deal and asked if he could look again at his inventory, which he proceeded to do. And guess what? He scratched his head, saying that his inventory indicated that there was a single XF 18-55 lens somewhere in the store. He looked in the back, and proceeded to come out with a used XF 18-55 lens exclaiming that it had just come in that day and that the price for it was exactly $300. I bought both the camera and the lens on the spot, and there may have been a moment where I literally jumped up and down gleefully.
Elohim Karov Elay is Hebrew for 'God is Near to Me' - how amazing is it that I/we can experience the Lord's heart in sacred and profound moments as well as his playful, gracious heart in other moments. It all bleeds together, this experience of someone who desires to be known in all situations and who desires and demands to make known his proximity in both deep and beautifully shallow ways.
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