i sat in the cold car relieving my eyes of tears and releasing one sob after another. thank you for convicting me Holy Spirit. i wrote a little about this yesterday, but only today did i realize with my heart that i'm guilty of turning God's grace into cheap grace. father, after everything i've experienced, after having experienced first-hand your work on the cross, i've failed to produce abundant fruit. my love for others has shriveled because i've slipped into this orphan mentality that always seems to crouch at the door. i feel abandoned by others, therefore i don't have any love to muster up and give to the people around me. this is so wrong. when did my relationship with others become defined by transactions of give-and-take? God, i fail horribly at reflecting your love and grace to others. i can only come before you in this state of brokenness and ask that you would continue to work in me. help me to be a better witness of your love. father, forgive me, a sinner.